Fallen Atlas
by archard-winchester
Summary: Burdens are for shoulders strong enough to carry them. And Dean was prepared to take on all the burdens for his brother's sake. But what if he couldn't bear them after all? Who, then, would be there to pick up the pieces? Set from 6x11, onwards.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** I used to own supernatural, the boys, the Impala and everything else on the show. But then, the men in white gave me my meds and I had to take them.

**Summary**: Burdens are for shoulders strong enough to carry them. And Dean was prepared to take on all the burdens for his brother's sake. But what if he couldn't bear them after all? Who, then, would be there to pick up the pieces? Set from 6x11, onwards.

**A/N**: Finally, I'm starting this new story. As most you must have noticed, there is a pattern to my stories. Dean is used emotionally till he has finally had enough and then Sam realizes his mistake and scrambles to make up for it. This one will follow more or less the same idea. But I'm sure I'd be able to do that in new and interesting ways. Hopefully, I'll finish this before Supernatural restarts. This will be AU since Christian will be around in this fic as well. I hate the guy too much to simply kill him off.

* * *

**Chapter 1.**

"Are you crazy?" Dean shouted, nearly swerving the Impala into a ditch. "Please, tell me this is your idea of a joke."

"I'm not joking." Sam replied, completely serious.

"Are you even hearing yourself?" Dean asked. "Going to them for help, of all people?"

"They are good hunters, Dean."

"They sold us out." Dean countered.

Dean wondered if Death had pulled a fast one over them. If all that light and fireworks had actually only been light and fireworks. Sam had seemed sane, alright, all guilt and remorse over his acts as a soulless person. And the few hunts they had been on since then, Sam had seemed almost exactly like his old self, gentle with witnesses, courteous to women and fiercely protective of his brother. And then, out of the blue, he said something like that.

"Samuel lied to us the whole time." Dean said, as if explaining complex logic to a five-year old. "He knew about Crowley. He knew about purgatory. He didn't tell us any of that. He lied to me more than he lied to you. He hid both the fact that you were alive and that he was capturing monsters from me. And he threw us to the wolves. We cannot trust him after all that, Sam."

"Most of that was me." Sam said. "And I'm not asking you to trust him. Just give him a chance, dude. And don't say you already have, because I saw the way you talked to them. You were like, Mr. Paranoia."

"With good reason." Dean replied. "Jesus, Sam, Bobby can help us on this case, if you think we need help that badly."

"We don't." Sam agreed. "But it wouldn't be the end of the world if we gave them a second chance. Dean, I know the way you feel about them, the way you have felt ever since you've met them, but the truth is, I'd like to give them a second chance."

"Why?"

"Why? Because they are family." Sam answered. "They are blood."

"Being blood does not make them family." Dean replied.

"Dean, something big is coming, we both know that." Sam said. "We are on verge of something, Death said that. It would be nice to have some people we could count on."

"We do have people we can count on. Or are you forgetting Cas and Bobby?"

"Cas is busy in his own war." Sam replied. "And Bobby is just one man. We can't always dump our crap on his lap. And let's face it." Sam added with a hint of a smile. "It's better to have someone else on your side other than a has-been hunter."

"Bobby is not a has-been hunter, Sam." Dean defended quickly.

"Actually, I was talking about you." Sam said, with a full-blown grin.

Dean glared at his brother angrily and Sam held up his hands in a placating manner.

"I'm kidding. Jeez, you used to know how to take a joke." He said. "But really Dean, don't you think it would be better to have more backup than just Bobby?"

"What is this really about, Sam?" Dean asked, evading the question. "We have never needed anyone else."

Sam sighed. He had hoped to be able to convince Dean without him dissecting his motives. For a moment he thought about lying to his brother, tell him how family was important to him, because he knew that the truth would bring up some ugly old scars. Then he decided against it. After all, everything bad that had happened to them had started with his lies.

"It's just, I think I really could've connected with them." Sam explained. "In the year I hunted with them, I know that if I had a soul, I could have learned to care for them like I care for you. They really had my back, Dean, and I used them in return, what with being soulless and all. And I feel that I owe it to them to make up for it."

"You owe them nothing, Sam." Dean said. "Not after what they did."

"That's just it. They didn't do anything." Sam replied. "It was Samuel who decided to work for Crowley and he strong-armed the rest of them. Gwen didn't even know about any of it. And Samuel was just trying to bring Mom back. I'm sure that if anyone could sympathize with that, it would be you."

"I didn't get anyone killed to get you back." Dean defended.

"And technically, neither did Samuel." Sam replied. "Selling us out wasn't part of the plan, Dean. We forced him to choose sides. All he was doing until then was hunting monsters like he'd always done. Are you telling me that if Crowley had made you the same offer, you wouldn't have done it?"

"Maybe, but I'm sorry Sam, that reason just isn't enough for me."

Sam sighed again. He had been desperately hoping to avoid the next part of the conversation.

"Dean, I think we really owe them more than that." He said. "They saved our lives a bunch of times. Mine more than yours. And the truth is, they were there for me. During the year when you weren't around, it was just the Campbells and me. I know, I know." Sam held up is hand when he saw his brother turn angrily towards him. "That was my fault and not yours. It was my decision not to come to you and I'm confident that if I had, you'd have dropped everything for me. But the fact is they were my family for a time. And I don't want to just give up on them."

Dean shot his brother another angry glare and just grunted in response. Sam took it as a sign that his brother was ready to fold.

"I have done a lot of bad things to you." Sam said. "Way worse than they have done to us. And you forgave me. Why can't we give them a second chance too? They have done a lot more than I have to deserve it. Please Dean, for my sake."

"Fine. We will make up with them." Dean surrendered. "But I'm not trusting them too much. And neither are you. You got that?"

"Yeah."

"And as soon as this thing hunt is over, we are doing my thing." Dean added, smiling. "We clear on that as well?"

"You mean the road-trip to the Canyon? You still on about that?" Sam asked. "Dean, we don't have time for vacationing. Not when people's lives are at stake."

Dean looked sternly at his brother.

"Okay, fine. We'll do it." Sam capitulated.

Dean sighed contentedly and leaned back in his seat. This family reunion was going to be difficult, not to mention awkward as hell. But that was what Sam wanted. And what Sam wanted, he got.

* * *

The reunion had not gone well. Well, on Dean's part mostly. Sam had been welcomed back like the prodigal son he was. He didn't know for sure, but maybe that had something to do with the surly attitude Dean had been exhibiting ever since he entered the compound. In his defense, they had been met with nothing but doubt and suspicion ever since they entered the room, which Sam seemed oblivious to. And then Christian had made the unfortunate remark.

"How could you even think about forgiving them after what they did?" He had said, in no doubt what he had thought was a whisper to Samuel but could be heard all over the room.

"Excuse me?" Dean had been outraged.

Dean's anger was responded to in kind, accompanied with accusations of destroying everything they had worked for, for more than a year. And then Dean's bitter response were stopped in track by a quiet "Dean, please" from Sam. Desperate and pleading, like every time he had needed his brother to let him have his way. Dean was sure he'd regret it but he'd let it go.

"Whatever." Was the reply Dean gave. "I'll be waiting in the car."

Dean hadn't made it inside the car, choosing instead to sit on the hood with a beer. And that was how Gwen found him, when she came out twenty minutes later.

"Not a big fan of family reunions?" She asked, completely unaffected by Dean's cold demeanor.

That was a strange thing about Gwen, Dean thought. While Christian was outright adversarial, Gwen seemed oblivious to the thoughts or feelings of others. Sam had often said that Dean was the same way, but he had always been aware of what others were thinking.

"Not exactly my scene." Dean grunted in response. "What are you doing out here?"

"Nothing." She replied. "Just getting fresh air."

So Samuel had sent her to check on him. He wasn't worried about Dean, that much was certain. So that meant he had suspected that this whole reunion thing was some sort of a ploy to sneak into his camp and snoop around. Gwen was here to keep an eye on him.

"Well, you can go and tell gramps that 'fresh air' is not trying to sneak behind any of his closed doors." Dean said acridly.

Gwen had the decency to look embarrassed at being caught.

"You got some attitude, you know that?" Gwen said. "You better watch that if you wanna work with us."

"Who says I wanna work with you guys?"

"Why else would you be here?"

"We are here because Sam wants to make up with his family." Dean replied.

"Really? Is that what he told you?" Gwen smirked. "Well, clearly you don't know Sam."

"No, you don't know Sam." Dean replied. "You just knew a soulless creature who walked around using you and innocent civilians and you didn't even notice."

Gwen had no reply to that and Dean felt a perverse sense of satisfaction in having gotten one over her.

"Maybe that's true." Gwen conceded. "But Sam knows you. And he told us a lot of stuff about you when he was hunting with us. Giving you a chance at normal life, that wasn't the only reason he kept coming back a secret from you."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Just little things, here and there." Gwen replied. "Like how Dean wouldn't have thought of that. Or how Dean wouldn't have been able to do this. Basically, he said that you had gone soft. And that we were much better hunting partners for him."

"You are kidding me, right?" Dean laughed. "I mean, c'mon, you guys were working for a demon for more than a year and you didn't know about that. Crowley had regular meetings with Samuel and was taking creatures as prisoners and you never thought of even investigating it? Hell, one of you was possessed for months and you didn't know. I mean, do you guys even salt you doors and just invite the demons in?"

Gwen stiffened, her face clouding over with anger and once again Dean felt satisfied at having gotten under her skin.

"Samuel runs a tight ship around here." She said stiffly. "He wouldn't take flak like that, not even from you."

Dean's reply was interrupted by Sam finally coming out of the building. He sighed in relief. Spending time with his cousin wasn't the best experience and he felt grateful to Sam for, in a way, rescuing him.

"You ready to hit the road Sam?" He asked, getting off the hood. "Find out what we are dealing with yet?"

"Yeah, about that." Sam replied, looking uncomfortable. "I think we should let Samuel handle that one. He said he had seen something like this before."

"You are kidding right." Dean said, ignoring the smirk Gwen was giving him.

"Dean, it just makes sense to let him handle it." Sam replied. "Look, I'll explain later. We got a case right now."

"I thought you said - "

"A different one, Dean." Sam said. "Samuel gave this to me. He said it was right up our alley."

Grumbling, Dean got in the car and drove out of the camp, with Sam sitting guiltily beside him. Once they were far enough, Dean started up again.

"What's going on, Sam?" Dean asked angrily. "That was our hunt. Our case. I found it. And you are just letting him take over, just like that?"

"Dean, they are accepting us back." Sam replied. "Surely we can make some sacrifices."

"Why the hell do we have to make sacrifices?" Dean asked. "Why the hell do I?"

"Samuel said - "

"I don't wanna hear what that old fraud had to say, okay." Dean shouted. Then, visibly, calmed himself down. "So, where to now?"

"New York."

"New York?" Dean repeated. "That's in the opposite direction to the Grand Canyon. Sam, you promised we were heading there after this case."

"A couple of hunts actually." Sam said, cringing. "He gave me a whole folder."

"Sam - "

"Dean, please try to understand." Sam pleaded. "I really need to do this."

"Okay. Alright." Dean calmed himself once more. "So, what's the first hunt?"

"A salt and burn."

"You have got to be kidding me." Dean felt his anger flare up again. "We gave up the hunt for an unknown, exotic monster for a simple salt and burn? That's all that Samuel thinks we are capable of? Is that what you think too?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Do you think that I'm not good enough as a hunter?" Dean said. "Like I'm losing my touch or something?"

"Ofcourse not." Sam replied. "Why would you even think that?"

"Then why do you feel the sudden need to have expert hunters on our side?" Dean continued. "Why do we have to take on some piss-ant spirit while they get the good ones?"

"It's not that, I promise you." Sam said. "It's just, this hunt is kind of personal."

"What do you mean?"

"I'd rather not talk about it."

"Sam - ."

"I killed the guy, okay." Sam answered. "Well, not exactly, but I used him as bait and that got him killed. And now he has come back as a spirit. So excuse me if I think that I should take care of this before I go after some imported monster."

Dean looked hard at his brother, as if trying to judge if he was being sincere. Sam did look very guilty. Well, Dean guessed that being re-souled and remembering your soulless acts wasn't a picnic. Kind of like that vampire from Buffy. His brother needed this, he still felt like he needed to redeem himself. And Dean would give him that much, atleast.

"The other cases have something to do with your screw-ups as well?" Dean asked.

"Not sure." Sam replied. "Even the Campbells don't know everything that I've done."

"Fine. We'll go on those hunts. But afterwards, we are going on a vacation."

* * *

Watching one's brother have nightmares was never easy. Knowing that your brother was dreaming of hell was even worse. And knowing that the nightmares were back now, after things had been going so well between them, well, he just hit the trifecta, didn't he? The nightmare ended abruptly as his brother shot up in the bed and started looking around in a panicked manner, as if trying to make sure that he wasn't in hell anymore.

"Another nightmare?"

"Yes." Came the groggy reply.

"You still dream about hell? Even after all this time?"

Dean looked up abruptly, suddenly wide awake, as if he didn't know what Sam was talking about. A moment later though, his face cleared.

"I guess these things never go away." Dean replied.

"I'm not an idiot, Dean." Sam said. "You have been doing pretty well for quite some time. I know you had nightmares, but they were getting better. Less violent and less frequent. And then suddenly, you have been having them almost every night. What's going on with you? Is there something I should know about?"

"No." Dean replied, rubbing his eyes.

"No as in nothing's going on or as in I shouldn't know about it?" Sam countered.

"Both, okay." Dean sighed. "Maybe I just really need a vacation."

"We are on a case right now, Dean." Sam said. "I promise, we'll go on one as soon as this one's over."

"Yeah, you've been saying that for the last three hunts." Dean replied. "Sam, I can still get it when something's not gonna happen."

Sam just smiled sadly in reply.

"But you have been very devoted to hunting for a few days." Dean said, suspiciously. "Sam you haven't been scratching at the wall, have you? You haven't been trying to remember anything, right?"

"I'm not the one waking up screaming." Sam replied. "No, Dean, I haven't. I'm not an idiot."

He wasn't and Dean knew that as well. But Dean also knew how his mind worked. Seeing Dean suffer would undoubtedly make him feel guilty about not.

"Just, promise me you'll never try to remember." Dean said. "Even if you feel the urge to."

"I won't." Sam smiled back. "I mean, if I ended up like you, who's gonna take care of us."

Whatever sarcastic reply Dean was going to give was interrupted by their phone ringing. Both boys looked puzzled at each-other and a little worried. There were only a handful of people in the world who'd call them at three in the morning and it never meant good news.

"It's Bobby." Dean said, confirming what Sam had suspected. "Hey, Bobby. What's up?"

Bobby's loud, "Get your asses here right now" was heard even by Sam who was sitting across the room. Dean had to hold the phone a foot away from his ear until Bobby seemed to calm down.

"What's wrong, Bobby? What's going on?" Dean asked, worried over the phone. Sam couldn't hear the reply anymore but whatever it was, astounded Dean. "What? What are you talking about? – Are you sure it's - ? Yeah, I know, but it's not possible. – Yeah, okay, got it. We'll be there as soon as possible."

"What's wrong?" Sam asked, hurrying over to his brother side as Dean hung up the phone. "Is everything alright? Is Bobby okay?"

"Yeah, everything's fine, Sam." Dean answered. "It's – Adam. He's back."

"What?" Sam asked nonplussed.

"Adam's alive again." Dean said a little louder. "Well, I guess, again – again. He just showed up at Bobby's doorstep."

"That's not – It has got to be - " Sam stuttered.

"I know." Dean agreed. "Either way, we better get there as fast as we can."

* * *

Adam was stronger than he looked. He might seem frail, but there was a lot of wiry strength in his lean body, Sam thought as he was enveloped in a crushing bear-hug as soon as he entered Bobby's house.

"I'm so glad you are okay Sam." Adam said, his voice muffling against Sam's shoulder.

"Yeah, you too." Sam answered, returning the hug.

Stepping back, but not letting go of his grip on Sam's biceps, Adam looked up to his brother, grinning brightly. That was, until, Dean cleared his throat.

"Hate to break your love-fest." Dean said. "But we need to work this out before we start with the celebrations."

"Well, hello to you too, Dean." Adam replied, his smile fading a little. "And work what out?"

"For starters, how the hell are you out again?" Dean asked. "And how do we know that you really are Adam?"

"Dean." Sam hissed. He couldn't believe his brother. He had always known that his brother was insensitive, but this was taking it too far.

"Well, he ain't any of your usual suspects." Bobby said from behind Adam. "He passed all the tests. As far as I can tell, he's human. How 'bout you two get your asses inside before you start interrogating the poor boy."

Nodding in agreement, the three of them made their way into Bobby's study. But as soon as they were all settled in, Dean started again.

"So, what happened?" He asked. "Who pulled you out?"

"I don't know." Adam replied. "One moment Michael and Lucifer were whaling on me, the next I was standing in the Stull cemetery. That was three days ago. I don't know who brought me back or why. I didn't have anywhere to go and I didn't have any way to contact you guys. So, I hitch-hiked my way here. Whoever pulled me out has been staying quiet so far."

"Okay, that's a little hard to swallow." Sam said.

"C'mon Sam. You have got to know that it's me." Adam said, vehemently. "After everything we've been through, how can you even doubt me?"

"What do you mean?"

"Sam, we were in hell together for I don't know how long. You were all I had down there." Adam replied.

"Woah, woah, hold on a second." Dean interrupted. "You are saying you remember hell?"

"Yeah."

"And you are alright?" He asked, surprised. "You don't feel like, I don't know, start screaming your head off or curl up in a corner and die."

"No. Why would I?" Adam replied.

The other occupants of the room looked at each-other, the same thing going through their minds. What if Adam had come back without a soul as well?

"You haven't had panic attacks or nightmares since you came back?" Sam asked, cautiously. "Have you been able to sleep?"

"Yeah, I slept like a baby." Adam replied. "What's going on guys?"

"Adam, you came back from hell, apparently healthy and whole." Dean explained. "You don't think that's strange?"

"Well, it wasn't that bad, really." Adam said. "They mostly left me alone. Sam, tell them."

"Tell them what?" Sam asked. "I don't remember hell. When I was brought back, they had to put a block in my mind to keep me from remembering."

"Oh, that's good, I guess." Adam said, thinking it over. "Well, I wasn't tortured much in hell. Not really."

"That's ridiculous Adam." Sam said.

"You really don't remember? Sam you protected me down there." Adam explained. "Why do you think I was so happy to see you? When we went to hell, you drew all their fire. Granted that Michael and Lucifer were majorly pissed at you. And Michael wasn't much interested in me to begin with, since I had been doing as he asked. But every time it looked like they would get bored of hurting you and turn to me, you always said something or did something to make them mad again. It was only after you got out for good, did they turn to me. And that wasn't for long either. I just had to put up with it for a few months before something pulled me out as well."

Sam and Dean looked cautiously at each other. Adam's story did make sense. It was definitely like Sam to try everything to protect his younger brother. But even then, Adam had been tortured for a few months. Ever since Sam came back.

"It still doesn't add up." Dean said. "We got Sam out almost a month ago. That means your few months were close to ten years."

"Really? I guess I kind of lost the sense of time down there." Adam replied. "But really Dean, even then they didn't go at me like they did with Sam. I guess after a hundred years, they were getting bored with torture as a way to amuse themselves. And like I said, neither of them actually had a grudge against me."

"Still. I mean – I was in hell for forty years and I was tortured for thirty. And I came back with some major issues." Dean said. "That kind of thing leaves scars on your soul."

"I guess my soul is stronger than yours, then." Adam replied. "I don't know what to tell you Dean. Yeah, I have memories and they are horrible. But right now, all I can think is how happy I am to see my brother again."

_Brothers_, Dean corrected mentally, but didn't say anything. Adam's slip up went unnoticed by the others in the room as well.

"So you are feeling something?" Sam asked.

"Yeah, I feel like I'm over the moon." Adam replied, grinning madly again.

He looked like that too. Adam spent the rest of the day at Bobby's, cheerfully going around from room to room, helping the old hunter in the kitchen or helping Sam find the next hunt. He smiled in a way that lit up the room every time he looked at Sam and Dean felt a stab of jealousy run through him every time it happened. It was only natural that Adam should feel close to Sam. They had been through hell together and even though Sam didn't remember it, he seemed to reciprocate the bond Adam felt with him. Though it might be a little different once Adam got to know him a little better.

But Adam had shown no interest in Dean. Even though he spent all his day following Sam around like a puppy, for some reason, when Dean was in the room, his smile waned and he interacted with Dean as little as possible.

"You boys think we should get him checked?" Bobby asked the moment they were left alone for a bit. Adam had gone upstairs to take a shower and all three of them thought that this was the perfect time to discuss the new development.

"How?" Sam asked. "There isn't exactly a clinic for those just back from hell."

"No. But there is a doctor." Bobby replied. "Castiel. Maybe we should call him down here to give Adam a once over."

Sam looked puzzled, trying to understand what the older hunter was saying.

"To check if his soul is intact." Bobby explained.

"No. His soul is fine." Sam replied immediately. "Trust me Bobby, I've spent the entire day with him. I can tell from the way he talks. He has his soul."

"Sam, I spent the entire year with you and I didn't notice." Bobby argued. "And let's face it, you don't remember your time in hell and apart from that, the only time you have spent with the boy before was just one day."

"Yeah, I know all the arguments." Sam replied. "But he's not acting like a soulless guy. He really seems happy to be back and you can't actually feel happy if you don't have a soul. Besides, he sleeping normally, isn't he?"

"And you don't think that's strange?" Bobby countered. "Dean had nightmares every night for weeks when he came back."

"He still does actually." Sam murmured.

"What was that?"

"I'm saying I see your point Bobby. Dean has been having nightmares of hell again for a last few days." Sam said.

"Well, there you go then." Bobby replied. "What harm is there in just asking Castiel to check?"

"The harm is in the method of checking." Sam replied. "Have you ever had an angel stick his hand in you? Because I have and trust me Bobby, it's one of the most painful experiences I've ever known. I'd rather go through the blood withdrawal again."

"Maybe Adam can take it." Bobby said. "If he's handling hell this good, he can't exactly be weak, can he?"

"Are you listening to yourself?" Sam said, outraged. "He has been through hell. Years of torture. And you want to put him through some more?"

"Dean, feel free to jump in anytime, boy." Bobby said, turning to the elder Winchester.

Dean had been sitting quietly, pondering over the arguments raised by both sides. Both of them were right, in his opinion. There was no definite proof that there was something wrong with Adam, but there was no proof that there wasn't either. Him being okay might be suspicious, but that might actually be the case of Adam being stronger than him. Or maybe he was just in denial of the pain. Or maybe he was riding the high of getting out of hell and they would have to deal with his pain once he got down.

"He hasn't done anything weird yet." Dean said, finally making a decision. "There is no reason to put him through more pain, not unless he does something to warrant it."

"You sure, Dean?" Bobby said, accepting that he'd been outvoted. "It's always best to know for certain."

"Not at this cost. We'll check if he does something suspicious, but right now, there is no reason to ask Castiel to do that."

"Ask me to do what?"

It was a testament to how accustomed they all had become to Castiel's sudden appearances that none of them did more than stiffen a bit in their seats. Calmly all three of them tuned around to greet the new arrival. Something must be going on, Dean thought. Castiel never came down unless it was absolutely necessary.

"Hey Cas." Dean greeted the angel. "I guess you know by now that Adam is back from the cage."

"Yes." Castiel replied, sarcastically. "And not that you would worry about such things, but Michael and Lucifer are still in there."

"Good to know." Sam said. "We were just discussing if Adam came back alright or not. I mean, he seems alright, but so did I."

"And I suppose you were discussing if he came back without his soul? Like Sam?" They all nodded. "Well, atleast I can reassure you on that front. Adam is full possession of his soul."

"You are sure? Absolutely positive?" Dean asked. "You don't have to check him or anything?"

"Yes, Dean, I'm certain." Castiel replied. "Why? Has he done anything suspicious?"

"Dean just can't believe that I'm alright after hell while he still has nightmares." Adam replied, walking into the room. Fresh out of the shower and with his hair still drying, Adam looked younger and more innocent than ever. Or maybe that was just the blinding smile he gave Sam.

"I could check your soul, if you like." Castiel said, raising his arm.

"No." Sam immediately got up, putting himself in between the angel and his brother.

"Don't worry, Sam. It won't hurt." Castiel assured. "I may have to go deep inside to search for a soul, but I can sense it on the surface. If it is there, ofcourse."

"Sam, it's okay." Adam said, gently pushing his brother to the side. "I can handle it."

Everyone looked on in a little trepidation as Castiel put his hand on Adam's chest, right over his heart. Thankfully, the palm stayed over the shirt and didn't go any deeper. Castiel closed his eyes for some time, psychically studying Adam's soul, while the others waited with baited breath.

"Your soul is present." Castiel said, finally opening his eyes and taking his hand off. "It's alright."

"There, Satisfied now?" Adam said, turning to Dean, who looked at Castiel for confirmation.

"You can rest easy, Dean." Castiel reassured. "It's quite a miracle. I can't explain it actually."

"Explain what?" Four voices asked simultaneously.

"Well, his soul is undamaged." Castiel explained. "It's odd. It has survived in the cage for more than a hundred years with Michael and Lucifer. Before that he was Michael's vessel. Things like that tend to leave wounds on a soul. Even if he wasn't tortured there should be scars. But somehow, his resurrection has left him completely healed. It's like, not only his body was remade, but his soul was as well."

"Wait, you are saying that whoever brought him back healed his soul as well?" Dean asked, getting up. "Could we have done the same thing with Sam?"

"I do not believe so." Castiel replied. "Even if it was in his power to do that, he is not the kind of person to do such a thing."

"He?" Dean said, surprised. "Cas, do you know who brought Adam back?"

"Yes." Castiel answered. "Raphael."

"Raphael? The archangel?"

"I don't know of any other."

"Great." Dean said. "You couldn't have told us that sooner? Like when you popped in?"

"You didn't ask, Dean." Castiel replied. "I came here as soon as I found out."

"Why?" Sam asked. "Why would Raphael bring Adam back and then just let him go? What does he want with him?"

"Nothing." Castiel replied, getting a little frustrated. "I better explain from the beginning. Sometime ago Raphael got his hands on a very powerful artifact."

"What artifact?" Dean asked.

"It has no name in the spoken language." Castiel replied. "Besides, it's name is irrelevant. What it can do, is summon any person or any thing. And it is not as simple as just calling out the name of the person. The summoning ritual is very complicated, requiring a part of the physical manifestation of that person."

"You mean some body part? Like DNA?" Sam asked.

"In a sense. Raphael collected the blood you'd spilt while Zachariah was torturing you." Castiel told Adam. "It had dried and had to be scraped from the floor, but it sufficed for the purpose of summoning."

"But why bring me back, at all?" Adam asked.

"Like I said, it was a mistake. He was trying to bring back Michael. Since you were Michael's vessel, he presumed that your blood would bring him back." Castiel explained. "It would have worked to, if the blood had been spilt after you had been possessed by Michael. Since it was before, it served to bring you back instead."

"You are saying that I'm here because of an angel's screw-up?"

"Yes."

"Wait. So if Raphael manages to get some DNA off some vessel, he can still bring Michael back?" Dean asked.

"It's not that easy, Dean. The DNA needs to be from the time while the Vessel is being possessed." Castiel answered. "Michael has no vessel currently."

"So we are safe for now?"

"For now." Castiel confirmed.

The room seemed to relax for the first time since the Raphael revelation had unfolded.

"But maybe not for long." Castiel added, making everyone tense again. "Things are not well upstairs. Raphael is on the verge of winning the war."

Everyone looked around worriedly. They all knew what that meant.

"Anything we can do, Cas?" Sam asked.

"Yes actually." Castiel replied. "I came down here now to tell you about Adam because the last time I stayed silent, Dean was very angry with me. But I also wanted to ask you for help."

"Anything you need." Dean said. "There another heavenly weapon going around?"

"Lots." Castiel said. "And I need you to find me one of them. One that will help me defeat Raphael."

"Alright. Which one?"

"I don't know." Castiel replied. "I have no knowledge of any specific weapon that will work against an arch-angel. I know that none available can kill him, but maybe they can weaken him a bit to give me a chance at defeating him. But I have no specific knowledge of that either. So I just need you all to keep your eyes and ears open and find something. Anything. Because as of this moment, I'm desperate."

"We get it, Cas." Dean said. "We'll help you."

Nodding in gratitude, Castiel disappeared in a flutter of his wings. The Winchesters looked around at each-other. It looked like they had their new job.

* * *

"Jesus, Adam. Just sit down and help us do research." Dean shouted

Adam was a curious one. While the others sat researching the ancient texts or the internet, he was snooping around Bobby's stuff, looking through books and artifacts alike and asking questions about them.

"Says the guy who is researching naked Asians." Adam smirked in reply.

"It's a fact of life Adam." Sam said, laughing. "Dean can't concentrate on research on the internet for more than half an hour. He needs to log on to Busty Asian Beauties to unwind."

"Yeah, well, not all of us get off on researching, freak." Dean replied.

"Boy, if you get a virus on my computer again, I swear I'm gonna neuter you myself." Bobby grumbled from his seat, joining in the banter.

"Hey, Bobby, what's this?" Adam asked, holding up a bracelet.

It was clearly an old artifact. Darkened brass metal disc with black leather straps.

"Stop going through my stuff, kid." Bobby shouted. "That thing is priceless."

"What is it?" Sam asked, now feeling curious himself.

"It's one of the very rare and precious items that if you break, you will pay for." Bobby replied.

"Really?" Dean said. "Looks like a piece of junk to me."

"It's a soul-link, okay?" Bobby sighed. "It can bind your soul to earth in case you die or something."

"You care elaborating on that?"

"Okay. You know that spirits are attached to their physical human remains. Well, in that case the remains act like a soul-link. Something that binds them to earth. They can't exist here if that link is destroyed." Bobby explained. "And sometimes, they can attach themselves to other objects. Things that mattered to them in their life. Well, this thing is something like that. You need a spell to bind your soul to that thing and when you die, it becomes your link to this world, even if your bones are burnt."

"So, why do you have it?" Dean asked.

"It can come in handy sometime." Bobby replied. "If a hunter ever wants to go to the land of the dead and make sure he comes back, he can use this thing for insurance. I'd have given this to you when you went to meet death, but you never told me you were going."

"I've seen this thing before." Adam said, cutting Dean's reply off. "Dad had one of these. He was wearing one when he came to take me to a baseball game."

"Yeah. Your dad got it from me for a job." Bobby grumbled. "That bastard never returned it."

"Dad went on a journey to the afterlife?" Sam said, surprised.

"What, you boys think you are the only ones who went jaywalking in the astral world?" Bobby asked. "Plenty of hunters have done it before you."

"Hey, you guys think Dad still has this in the storage?" Adam asked, excited at the prospect of finding something of their father's.

"No, Adam. We checked all of Dad's storage lockers and took care of most of things." Sam replied. "Now only a few cursed, indestructible things are left there."

"What about the one in Windom?" Adam said. "He mentioned it to me once. He said that he used visiting the locker as an excuse to come visit me."

"There is no storage locker in Windom." Dean replied. "Dad left some info about every one of his lockers in his journal. There was no mention of any being in Minnesota."

"Yeah, but those pages were missing, remember?" Sam said. "Dad had torn out those pages. Maybe there still is a locker out there that we haven't checked."

"Great." Adam said, clapping his hands together. "Can we check it out? If Dad was as great a hunter as you guys told me, maybe he had some clue to beating Raphael."

Sam looked questioningly at Dean, who shrugged in reply.

"I guess it couldn't hurt to check it out."

"Awesome." Adam said. "This road-trip is gonna be great."

* * *

"This road-trip sucks." Adam mumbled, looking out of the window. "Do we have to stay at seediest motel in town?"

Dean smirked. For the last couple of days he had felt like he'd been on a losing streak in the brotherly banter. It had been even sailing when he only had Sam, but now that Adam was here, the scales were firmly tipped in Sam's favor. Adam never seemed to take his side in an argument. Hell, even when he butted in an argument of their own, either Sam or Adam immediately switched sides. Two college-boys vs. one GED, as they had never failed to remind him ever since Adam found out about it. It just wasn't fair.

"What's the matter?" Dean asked. "Accommodations not up to you standards, you highness?"

"Screw you." Adam grunted in reply.

Dean lay back comfortably on the bed, enjoying his little victory. They were in Windom and Sam had gone out to get some information about Dad's locker and some food, leaving Dean and Adam alone in their motel room.

"Maybe I should try and get my Mom's SUV." Adam said, suddenly. "If they haven't already sold it off in an estate auction, that is."

"What for?"

"Well, going around in the backseat of the Impala isn't exactly comfortable." Adam replied. "And I'm sure Sam would prefer that car too. It has more leg-space in the front, it gives better mileage and it's more environment-friendly."

"Hey, we don't need another car." Dean said with finality. "Not as long as my baby's up and running."

"What's wrong with using two cars?"

"You shouldn't be using two cars if you are so worried about the environment." Dean replied, using Adam's own argument against him.

"Okay, then maybe we can use the SUV and give up the Impala." Adam countered.

"Bite your tongue, heathen." Dean replied in an outraged voice. "What is your problem with my car any way?"

"It's just, why do I have to ride in the back all the time?" Adam asked.

"Hey, I let you drive my car on the way over here for some time." Dean replied. "And it's not like you were cooped in the back the whole time. I remember you riding shotgun."

"Yeah, but when I was in the front, Sam was in the back. And it's more difficult for him because he's so big." Adam argued. "You were always either driving or riding shotgun. Why can't you get in the back for once?"

"Because it's my car." Dean replied, settling the subject. "My car, my rules. And that means that I don't get in the back seat unless I'm near death or there is a chick with me. And don't even start on the music. I don't care how much Sammy brainwashes you, Jason Manns is not coming back inside my car again."

Adam coughed out something under his breath, but Dean caught it all the same, like he was supposed to.

"What was that?"

"I said, 'typical'." Adam replied. "That's the typical blue-collar attitude you have there. Thinking only about banging chicks and driving hunks of metal that should be extinct by now."

"Wow, long insult from the college boy." Dean said, feeling uncomfortable but not backing down.

"You know, just because you weren't smart enough to graduate, that's no reason to look down on us." Adam replied.

Okay, that had gone too far, Dean thought. Adam had crossed the line from standing up to Dean to being outright hostile. Dean could understand Adam's devotion to Sam, but what had he done to deserve this much acrimony?

"What's going on?" Dean asked, confused. "You have some sort of problem with me?"

"No." Adam answered, in a voice that said 'yes'.

"Is this about you getting in this mess because I refused Michael?" Dean asked.

"Look, I was pissed about that at first." Adam replied. "I had to say yes because you kept saying no. And because of that, I went to hell instead of you. But that's not exactly your fault. I made my own bed when I said yes."

"Then what is it?" Dean asked. "You can tell me Adam, we're brothers."

"Would you just cut the crap." Adam replied. "We might be blood but we are not brothers. We hardly know each-other. Sam is my brother. He is the one who has been there for me. You have no place in my life."

"And I'm trying to make a place." Dean argued back. "You are not exactly giving me a chance here."

Adam huffed at that and turned around towards the window. Dean, even though hurt by the rejection he saw in his brother's eyes, reached out to him.

"Adam please. I'm really trying here." Dean said, laying a hand on his brother's shoulder. "I – I really care about you."

That seemed to push Adam over the edge. Whirling around, he backhanded Dean across the face. Stunned by the force of the blow, Dean fell to the ground. Immediately Adam jumped on his prone form, trapping his arms under his knees and laying punch after punch on his face.

It wasn't fair, Dean thought. A kid as small and untrained as Adam should not be able to get the upper hand on him so easily. And why the hell was he so weak? Why wasn't he able to buck up and dislodge Adam? He had been getting weaker for the past few weeks, Dean knew that. In two of the last three hunts Sam had to save his ass from the opponents he should have been able to handle. Still, he hadn't thought it had become this bad.

"Adam – please." Dean begged pathetically.

"Don't say you care about me you son of a bitch." Adam said, grabbing his collar and slamming his head back on the floor. "You left me to rot down there. When Death came to get Sam, I begged him to take me with him. But he told me that you had only asked for Sam."

"Adam - ." Dean tried to explain, but was cut off as the punches started again. His vision was getting blurry. He didn't know how long he'd been lying there, just taking it, but after some time he felt another presence in the room dragging a still livid Adam off him.

"Adam, stop it right now." Sam shouted, pulling Adam away. "Jesus, what the hell is going on here, Dean?"

As close to unconsciousness he was, Dean didn't miss the slight accusation in Sam's tone. As if all this had been his fault. Maybe, in some way, it was, Dean thought guiltily.

"He didn't try to get me out." Adam shouted in response. "He left me to rot in there."

"What are you talking about?" Sam asked, turning his brother around to face him.

"When Death got you out of hell, he told me that Dean didn't ask him to get me out." Adam replied, calming down a little.

"That's not true." Sam said. "Adam, Dean asked Death to bring us both back. Death just asked him to pick one."

"What?" Adam asked, confused.

"Dean had to make a choice between us, Adam." Sam explained. "And I was a raging psychopath up here so Dean chose me. Trust me, if Dean had found a sure fire way to get you out, he would have."

"Oh." Adam said slowly as the horror of his actions dawned upon him. "Oh – Jesus – Dean - ."

"Save it kid." Dean replied, cutting him off. "I guess I would have reacted pretty much the same way."

"But - ."

"Adam, why don't you give us some time?" Sam said. "Go get a soda or something."

Nodding and with a last regretful look towards Dean, Adam walked out of the room. Sam walked up to his brother, helped him to his feet and to the bed. Without another word, he brought out their first-aid kit and started cleaning Dean's face up. Blood was pouring out of his nose and cut lips and Dean would have a spectacular set of shiners the next day, but nothing seemed to be broken.

"The kid packs quite a punch." Dean said, wincing a little as the antiseptic came in contact with the wounds. "He'll make hell of a fighter someday."

"Yeah." Sam agreed. "What worries me though is how he was able to get the drop on you? I mean, he totally kicked your ass Dean."

"Sam there is no way I was gonna fight him for real." Dean said.

"True, but you should have been able to overpower him easily." Sam replied. "What's going on, Dean?"

"I don't know." Dean replied. "I don't know why I wasn't able to fight back. I mean, I tried, but I just couldn't do anything. Trust me Sam, he's stronger than he looks. Besides, he had a good reason to be mad at me."

"Yeah, maybe."

"You agree with me?" Dean asked, surprised.

"Well – I mean, ofcourse I'd have asked you to pick him over me." Sam explained. "He didn't deserve to go to hell. I guess you will say that I didn't either and you would be right, but he still deserved it less than me."

Dean shrugged in reply. Then another thought occurred to him. Though he knew that he shouldn't ask Sam that, because really, there was no correct answer to this, still, against his better judgment, Dean did.

"Sam, who would you have picked?" He asked. "If me and Adam were down there and you could only get one of out, who would you have chosen?"

Sam's face clouded over at the question.

"That's a stupid question, Dean." Sam replied. "It's like Sophie's Choice. Hell, it is Sophie's Choice. There is no way I could pick between the two of you. You both are my brothers."

"Wait, you are saying you love him as much as me?" Dean asked. "Sam, you hardly know him. You don't remember any of the time you spent with him."

"It's difficult to explain, but I feel like I do. I feel a connection to him."

"What?"

"Dean you know how Adam remembers his time in hell but it doesn't affect him? Like he has all the memories but none of the associated emotions?" Sam explained. "Well, it's the opposite with me. I don't remember spending time with him, but there is a definite connection. I know it sounds sappy, but I love him as much as I love you. So don't ask me to choose between the two of you, Dean, because I don't know which one I'd choose."

He wouldn't ask again, Dean thought to himself. He wouldn't ask because he already knew the answer. And Sam might claim not to, but he suspected that Sam knew as well.

* * *

Dean tried to concentrate the best he could in the meager light provided by the flashlight. It was made more difficult by the fact that both of his eyes were almost completely shut due to the swelling. Nevertheless, he was here doing this because he was the only person for the job.

"Dean, would you hurry up?" Sam shouted from outside.

"Would you shut up?" Dean replied and went back to work.

They had found their Dad's storage and gotten the key to it pretty easily. And knowing their Dad, they both knew that the place would be booby-trapped to hell. So they had started opening the door as slowly as they could and stopped the minute they felt a little resistance. The door in the gap hadn't been big enough for Sam to get in and Adam had no experience in disarming explosives, so it had fallen to Dean to slip in. And that was how he had ended up there, kneeling on the dusty ground and trying to detach the trip-wire from the shotgun without setting it off.

"There. All done." Dean shouted to his brothers outside. "You guys can come in now."

Sam and Adam flung the door open and stepped in, going past all the devil's traps and salt lines lying about.

"Took you long enough." Sam said, jokingly.

Dean just grunted in reply and tossed the shotgun to Sam, who caught it awkwardly.

"Jesus, Dean, be careful." Sam shouted. "This thing is loaded."

"You can handle it." Dean replied. "Alright. Let's take in the inventory. Cursed boxes, over here. Sam, take a look and see if you can identify any specific symbols. I'll take the guns and the ammo and see if any of it can be salvaged. Adam, take a look around and for God's sake don't touch anything carelessly. Dad might still have booby traps around."

They all got to their respective jobs, collecting the items to be taken to the centre of the room. Their father had collected quite a few things over the years but unfortunately had never bothered to properly label or categorize them.

"Hey guys, Come look at this." Sam said, bringing one of the wrought iron boxes to the middle. "Recognize this symbol?"

"Yeah." Adam replied. "It was on the bracelet that Bobby showed us."

"Lose the box, Sam." Dean ordered. "That thing was safe for work. Or so Bobby said. We need to lessen the load as much as possible."

Nodding in agreement, Sam opened the box and took the bracelet out of it. Throwing the box aside in the pile that was supposed to be junk, they all studied the artifact for a few seconds, after which Sam carelessly threw it in the middle of the pile to take with them.

"Took you boys long enough."

To say that the voice startled them was an understatement. As used to as the Winchester brother's had gotten to the sudden appearance of angels, demons and all sorts of assorted creatures amidst them, it never failed to throw them into a panic mode. This was a good thing, because their first reaction was to whirl around towards the voice and bring out their weapons and flashlights towards the newcomer. Sam, who had until now held the shotgun loosely at his side, trained it in the direction of the voice and let loose a shot. A figure that had been standing at some distance vanished in a puff of smoke.

"Was that – was that a ghost?" Adam asked, pale faced. The kid might want to be a hunter, Dean thought, but he had never actually been on a hunt. To find one here of all places, with a rookie between them, that was unlucky.

"Not sure, Maybe." Dean answered. "Sam, did – did that thing sound like - ?"

"Jesus, Sam, really?" The voice said once again, from behind them this time. "I know we had our differences, son, but shooting your father is not the answer."

The three Winchester brothers turned around in shock. Slowly, the shimmering yet solid form of John Winchester walked into the full view.

* * *

Alright, first chapter is done. Few comments on this. First of all, this chapter might seem a little rushed. Too much happening in too short a time, still nothing significant happening either. Well, I was going to put more stuff in it which I decided to leave for the next chapter. The thing is, the real fun is going to start from the third, so I wanted to set the base of the story really quickly.

Second, Dean might seem a bit OOC here. Well, I'm showing him as weak, to be sure. Bear with it. There is a good reason. All will be revealed.

A few words on Adam. He's not coming off as the most sympathetic character in the story and he's not meant to. I've read a lot of fics where Adam comes back to life and joins the brothers on the road, becoming the best little brother in the world from the outset. They show him as some sort of a woobie. This will most definitely not be one of those fics. My stories have always been about Sam and Dean as will be this one. I guess in the end Adam will end up having some sort of relationship with both of them, but they will always come first with each-other.

Lastly, about John. In the last fic, I brought him back because I felt that Dean had a lot of unresolved issues with the guy. This time, it's for Sam's sake. Don't worry, I don't plan to have all the Winchesters united in the end and spend their lives as a big happy family. The reason I'm giving back so many of the loved ones is because when Sam makes the choice to pick Dean above all else, I don't want all else to just be hunting. That being said, I will not be bringing Jessica back. Firstly because then that story would become about Sam feeling guilty for her death. Secondly, the show didn't flesh out her character enough to tell us if she'd have stayed with Sam if she knew about his real life. Any info we have about her apart from pilot and the djinn episode, might be skewed from Sam's perspective.

Oh and FYI, Jason Manns was playing in the car when Dean got back from hell and saw the ipod. Clearly Dean didn't like him.

Okay, I hope I didn't give up too much of the plot in this big author's note. Reviews and suggestions would keep me writing. So go ahead and click on the little blue button below.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** I used to own supernatural, the boys, the Impala and everything else on the show. But then, the men in white gave me my meds and I had to take them.

**Summary**: Sam was a good man. Actually, he was a really great guy. And he loved his brother. That is why Dean could sacrifice everything for him and not regret it one bit. But, sometimes he wished that he didn't have to. That he didn't have to pay for his brother's decisions, suffer for Sam's mistakes. But he did and he'd have to keep doing it because Dean knew that even though Sam loved him, he didn't love him enough.

* * *

**Chapter 2.**

"So, let me get this straight." Samuel said, looking Sam in the eye. "Your father's ghost is hanging around, even though you burnt his bones?"

"Yes."

"And his spirit is attached to this charmed bracelet thingy which he used in one of his hunts?"

"Yes, Dad tied his soul to it when he went on an astral walk."

"And he forgot to undo the spell when he came back?"

"Yes."

"And you are not destroying the bracelet and freeing his soul like any other hunter would because he wants a second chance with you guys?"

"Could you guys not talk about me like I'm not in the room?" John Winchester said materializing out of thin air. He still had difficulty maintaining the semi-corporeal form, but was getting better at it.

"Sorry, didn't see you there." Samuel replied sarcastically. "You know, on account of you being invisible and all."

"I'm working on it." John replied

Samuel looked from his grandson to his son-in-law with some exasperation. Damn Winchesters. They kept coming back to life one after the other. Even the half brother had been brought back and by an angel no less. To be fair, John was still dead, but he was around wasn't he? He could be there with his sons. Why couldn't the same courtesy be extended to his daughter?

"It's not hurting anyone, Samuel." Sam said. "It's just a big, freaky coincidence. Technically, Dad was around this whole time, we just didn't know it."

Samuel shrugged noncommittally.

"What does Dean have to say about it?" He asked. "Where is he anyway?"

"Around." Sam answered. "I guess Christian will give you a full report afterwards."

Samuel looked away. All of them had noticed the quiet look that had passed between him and Christian when Dean left the room to 'get some beers', the unspoken command to keep an eye on him. And then they had noticed him quietly sneak off.

"And Dean is not sure about this." Sam continued. "He said that it was too freaky for his liking and would probably end badly."

"Is that why you are wearing the bracelet?" Samuel asked. "Worried that Dean would 'accidentally' burn it or something?"

"He wouldn't do that." Sam replied curtly. "Besides, we didn't come here to discuss our family situation. Have you got something for us?"

"Yeah, about that heavenly war, right?" Samuel said. "You boys play too rough for my liking. Heaven ain't no business of us humans."

"It will be if Raphael wins and restarts the apocalypse." It was Adam who replied this time, making Samuel turn towards the youngest Winchester in surprise. For most of the conversation, Adam had sat there with an awed look on his face. Meeting experienced hunters could have that effect on you, Sam thought. And here Adam had met a whole bunch of seasoned hunters, all impressive and intimidating in their own way. It didn't take a genius to figure out that Adam had been quite taken by them.

"So you can talk." Samuel said, good-naturedly. "Well, kid if you gonna be a hunter, you gotta know what's above your pay-grade. Do you wanna be a hunter by the way?"

"Yes." Adam replied resolutely.

"And Dean is okay with it?" Samuel continued, looking to Sam and John for confirmation. "Last I knew Dean was dead-set against bringing kids in this life."

"I'm not a kid." Adam said. "If Dean doesn't like me being a hunter, he can go screw himself."

That was exactly what Adam had told Dean, Sam remembered fondly. Dean had been vehemently against Adam hunting. Sam and John had been for it, because really, what was h supposed to do now? Pick up his normal life having mysteriously come back from the dead? And even then there was no guarantee that their enemies wouldn't find him. Hunting might be dangerous, but for Adam not hunting seemed just as bad and Dean had finally been out-voted.

Samuel's reply was interrupted by sounds of a scuffle coming from outside which had the effect of cutting their conversation short. The three of them, Samuel, Sam and Adam rushed outside, attempting to locate the source while trying to figure out if they were under attack once again. They weren't.

Dean and Christian were locked in a fight. It seemed that their antagonism had finally turned physical. When the trio finally came out, Christian had Dean pinned against a table, punching him over and over again. Immediately, Samuel and Sam rushed to separate the fighters, Samuel pulling Christian off his cousin and Sam helping Dean up and restraining him at the same time. Though it didn't look like he had enough in him to restart the fight that he had so obviously lost. Dean sported a myriad of bruises all over his face while Christian just had a split lip.

"What the hell?" Samuel shouted to neither in particular.

"He started it." Christian replied sullenly.

"Is that true?" Sam asked his brother. It wasn't like Dean to start fights. Well, it was, but he usually came out on the top when he started something.

Dean shrugged his brother's restraining arm off him and angrily stomped out of the base, no doubt to his car. Well, that was that, Sam thought. Their visit was over, just like that.

"Guess we are taking our leave then." Sam said, turning to Samuel and Christian. "Look, I'm sorry about Dean. Whatever he said, or did, just – just sorry, okay?"

"Don't sweat it." Christian replied. "I shouldn't have baited him. Sorry your stay here had to come to such an abrupt end. Though, you don't have to follow him wherever he goes, you know that, right?"

Out of the corner of his eye, Sam saw Adam looking at him questioningly, as if asking him to consider Christian's words. It was true, Sam was getting tired of Dean's antics lately. Adam, even though he did understand Dean's choice and had forgiven him for it, didn't show any signs of warming up to his brother. And Adam did like these people, even though they weren't related by blood. And as hunters, they definitely were better than Dean, atleast as Dean was nowadays. But still, Dean was his brother.

"No. Dean needs me to stick with him." Sam replied.

"Shame." Christian said, pulling Sam into a one-armed hug. "Sticking with us would be better for you than being with that loser. Hell, it would be better for Adam." He added, letting Sam go and giving Adam the same treatment. "You got some guts in you, kid. You'll make a great hunter someday."

Adam accepted the compliment with a smile and a nod.

"Sam." Samuel said as they were leaving. "Look, I don't know anything about how to beat an archangel. Yet. I'll call you as soon as I find anything. And don't worry about this. You boys are always welcome here."

Sam nodded in reply and walked out with Adam in tow. He should feel angry, he thought, for the way these people treated Dean. But really, Dean had brought it all on himself with his suspicion and paranoia and general dickish attitude. Besides, the Campbells were really nice, caring, trusting people who had accepted him and Adam as one of their own. And they were all excellent hunters to the boot. It was really very hard to feel any sympathy for Dean in this situation.

Walking out, Sam found Dean leaning against the car looking thunderous. At the accusatory look in his eyes, Sam felt his old frustration resurface.

"What the hell Dean?" Sam shouted before his brother could say anything. "Fighting with Christian? We need these people."

"He's a dick." Dean replied.

"And that's a good enough reason to kick his ass?"

"From where I was standing, it was Christian who was doing the ass-kicking." Adam stepped into the conversation. Apparently, he wasn't too pleased about having their stay cut-short either.

"Hey, you want a piece of me?" Dean replied, angrily turning towards Adam.

"Enough." A commanding voice cut through the air putting a stop to all conversation immediately.

All three of them turned towards John Winchester who had once against materialized amidst them. Sam had seen that look on their father's face far too often, but usually it was directed at him, not at Dean.

"What the hell is the matter with you, son?" John said angrily. At the sound of that tone all his anger seemed to seep out of Dean as he took on a defensive position.

"Dad, not you too." Dean pleaded.

"Yes, me too." John replied. "Fighting with your family Dean? I didn't bring you up to fight with your family. And I certainly didn't bring you up to start a fight that you couldn't finish. These are good people. They are our allies. And if we need to eat Raphael, we need all the help we can get."

"We don't need them." Dean said sullenly.

"Oh? And who else is gonna find a way then? You? Give me a break." John continued. "You think I don't know what has been going on? How you have been ever since you came back from you little stint at normal life? You have been sloppy, Dean. Sam has told me all about it."

Dean glared briefly at his brother who suddenly felt guilty, felling like a tattle-tale.

"Look at me when I'm talking to you, boy." John roared. "You need to get your shit together. The way you are going now, you are just making me more and more certain that I was right about you."

"Right about what?" Dean asked.

"That you were never cut out for this life." John replied. "That you would never be anything more than a mediocre hunter who needs his brother to pull his ass out of fire every time he steps out of the room. Sam is already better at hunting than you are and given a few months, I think Adam would be too. So yeah, maybe you would be safer on the sidelines, but you know what, that is not what life has in store for you. This hunt is your life and this out here and in there, that is your family. So you are gonna buckle up and accept it and get your act together. Or else I swear, we'll leave you behind and let you get yourself killed. Am I clear?"

"Dad - "

"Am I clear?" John shouted again, cowing Dean into submission. Sam saw Dean's face close up and become inscrutable. This was the expression Dean got when he was hurt. For a moment Sam felt sorry for his brother, but then the moment passed. Dean had been acting like an ass lately and maybe this tough love was exactly what he needed to pull his act together.

"Yes sir." Dean replied stoically.

* * *

Adam was becoming an exceptional hunter. He had taken to hunting like a duck to water. What he lacked in lifelong experience and knowledge, he made up for be being diligent and resourceful. Things had come to the point where even Sam would have to agree that in a few short weeks, Adam would become a better hunter than Dean ever was.

As for Dean currently, Adam was already better than him. Dean had never been much of a researcher, but now it looked like he couldn't even read. He seemed to stare endlessly at their intel for hours at an end and still had nothing to show for it. As if he had spent the whole time zoned out in his own universe. In contrast Adam always researched with the same concentration Sam had employed while studying for the SATs. He was always rigorous and thorough and always double-checked his facts. Once Dean had missed some crucial information during a ghost hunt and if it weren't for Adam remembering it at the right moment, they'd all be dead. He was often reckless and erratic during the hunt and that had got their cover blown quite a few times now. And when it came to facing the monsters, let's just say Dean didn't have his usual poise nowadays. Once he'd lost it in the middle of the hunt, panicking and shooting wildly at the advancing werewolf without a single shot hitting the creature, while Adam, with his steady hand and clear sight had gotten it right between the eyes and once in the heart. It sufficed to say that Dean was not the hunter he used to be. If Dad was to be believed, Dean had never been much of a hunter in the past either.

Sam would never get used to it, the way Dad and Dean always seemed to be at odds. Dean had always been the good son, the loyal soldier and he still was, but apparently that wasn't enough for Dad anymore. Nowadays, Dad barked out fewer orders at Dean and more criticisms. Criticisms that seemed to cut his brother deep and made him retaliate in kind. Which was really unfair, in Sam's opinion, because Dad was only trying to do what was best for Dean and he deserved those remarks more often than not. Dean had thrown a lot at their father during these arguments, from his supposed infidelity with Adam's mother, his secrets, his inability to protect his family to his ruining his sons' lives with by bringing them up in this world. Once he went as far as to say that Mom would hate him now because he had put her children through a life that she had wanted to protect them from.

John had lost it then. Sam didn't think he had ever seen his father that angry, not even with himself. He threw every mistake, every failure of Dean's in his face with as much vitriol as possible. John berated Dean for breaking in hell while he had lasted a hundred years and breaking the first seal. He chastised Dean for not being able to protect his brother, for getting so many other hunters killed. In short, everything that Dean had ever felt bad about, everything that he felt guilty for was now thrown in his face along with his father's disappointment.

"He doesn't mean it, Dean." Sam said, comforting his brother afterwards. "He just lost himself."

"Doesn't he?" Dean asked, barely holding back the tears. "He seemed pretty convinced to me."

"Well, did you have to push his buttons?" Sam replied. He was getting a little tired of his brother wallowing in self-pity. "You screwed up the hunt. You had no right to start shouting at him."

"You are on his side?" Dean asked incredulously.

"I'm saying that he shouldn't have said all those things, but you provoked him all the same." Sam answered. "Dean, Dad is trying, he really is. Why the hell can't you give him a chance?"

Dean never answered the question, just looked at Sam with hurt eyes. Things were a little better after that. Both Dad and Dean backed off each-other's throats for a while. But apart from that, nothing changed much. Adam continued to improve, picking up new skills on the way and Dean continued to deteriorate. It had come to the point where on tougher hunts, the Winchesters were forced to ask backup Bobby or the Campbells. That meant having one more hunter in their group; usually Gwen or Christian and Dean didn't deal well with big groups. Add to that the fact that Adam always seemed to prefer their company to Dean's and Sam felt like he was being pulled from both sides. On one hand there was Adam with Gwen or Christian. Spending time with them meant talking about the things they had hunted, actual intellectual discussions, not just bragging about the monsters they had killed. Or when they weren't talking about hunting, they discussed events around the world, something to keep Sam in touch with a life outside their own. On the other hand was Dean, the guy who had been there with him his entire life but whose topics of interesting discussion consisted of food, sex and hard rock. And Sam was always forced to keep an eye on Dean. A few times he had left him alone with Christian, Dean invariably started a fight, which he then invariably lost.

That was another thing worrying Sam. Dean had definitely gotten weaker. Ever since their big fight, Dad had changed his tactics, hoping that Dean's desire for his approval would force him to get back on track. He always made everything into a competition, be it sparring or who figured out what they were dealing with first or who could shoot better. It had first started with Sam, but he had easily proved himself to be way out of Dean's league in all aspects. Ridiculously easily. So Dad had started pitting him against Adam or Christian if he happened to be there. The prize usually was that the winner would get to drive the Impala or he'd get to pick the music or place to eat and the loser would get stuck with menial tasks like doing the laundry. The way Dean was nowadays, he had been doing the laundry for days and had been almost permanently relegated to the back-seat.

It was seven months after Dean had rejoined Sam on the hunt, five after he had regained his soul and four after Dad and Adam had come back, when Dean was judged unfit to go on major hunts. He had protested, vehemently, but he was out-voted for his own safety and that of his family. From that point onwards when the next dangerous hunt came along, one that required more than two people (Alive that is. For all his spiritual contacts, ghost-John wasn't much of a hunter), they asked one of the Campbells to join them while Dean stayed back with Bobby. Even after the hunt Christian and Adam were reluctant to pick Dean back up again and Sam had gone along with them, finally getting a few days of peace and relaxation without constantly having to worry about his brother. One hunt had turned into two and then into three and then they had finally been forced to pick Dean back up again when Bobby had called them ordered them to. He had been getting tired of Dean doing nothing but languishing around the house, playing Metallica at full volume and eating his food.

Meanwhile, none of them had made any progress on the heavenly front. As far as they knew, the war in heaven was still going on and Castiel was still fighting a losing battle. As much as they tried, as hard as they looked, they simply could not find a single weapon that would help Castiel kill Raphael and bring peace to his home. Dean had adopted a cavalier, almost callous attitude about the whole thing, refusing to do any research and insisting that it will all be okay but the others weren't so sure. Sam had tried to make Dean see how important this was, how much Castiel had helped them in the past, never asking for anything in return, but Dean had refused to be moved. If things kept going this way, heaven would be lost and soon after that earth would be as well.

* * *

The next time Castiel showed himself, he looked much worse for the wear. Dean had gone out to get food – another one of his punishments after having lost a sparring match to Adam – and the rest of them had discussing the strategies for the latest hunt when they had been interrupted by a rustle of feathers.

"Heaven is lost." Castel declared, appearing amidst them.

After a flurry of activity and questions about his well-being, Castiel explained the situation. His side had lost the war. Raphael was in control of heaven now and Castiel had been cut-off from them.

"Our only hope now is to kill Raphael." Castiel said. "He is the mainstay of his side. If we are able to assassinate him, the other angels will see it as a sign from God and they will fall in line. Have you found anything yet?"

"No, Cas." Sam replied. "I'm sorry."

"There might be something." Adam piped up, making the others look at him curiously. "When I was in hell, Michael and Lucifer were talking about ways to kill or weaken an archangel."

"What?"

"Well, not exactly discussing." Adam amended. "More like Lucifer was saying how he could have killed Michael if he wanted, even though Michael was stronger than him. He said that he didn't actually want to kill his brother, just have him on his side, but if it had come to that Lucifer had a plan in place."

"What plan?" Castiel asked, getting up.

"I don't know." Adam replied.

"Dammit, Adam."

"No, really, I didn't hear them." Adam explained. "They were too far away from me when they talked about it. I couldn't overhear them."

"Great." Sam said, exasperated. "So the only two who know of a way to kill Raphael are in the cage. Somehow, I don't think they will be very forthcoming."

"Well, I wasn't able to hear them because they were nowhere near me." Adam continued. "But they were near you, Sam."

"What are you saying?" Sam asked confused. "That I might somehow know how to beat an archangel?"

"Yeah." Adam replied. "The way to beat an archangel might be in your memories, right with the rest of the memories of hell. That's why I didn't bring this up before. I know what remembering that stuff might do to you and I know that Dean will try to shut down this idea as soon as he hears it, but it doesn't look like we have a whole lot of options here."

Sam and Castiel looked at each-other, considering Adam's proposal.

"Sam, I don't know if I can ask you to do this." Castiel said at length. "You might not have heard anything about it at all. And even if you do remember, the memories may very well overpower you before you are able to tell us anything. Then it all would be for nothing."

It was a risk, Sam had to agree. But it was a risk worth taking. His memories may break him or they might not. Adam had survived being in hell without any repercussions. Maybe the same deity that had favored him would favor Sam as well. Either way it had to be done.

"I'll do it." Sam said resolutely. "We are talking about releasing Michael and Lucifer from the cage again. This is a small risk compared to that. I'll do it, Cas and we will figure a way out to beat Raphael."

The others nodded in agreement. All he had to do now, Sam thought, was to get Dean to sign off on it.

* * *

"No, Sam, no. Just no." Dean's shout rang out through the junkyard. "Not a chance in hell. I'm not letting you do it."

Sam sighed, running his hand through his hair in frustration. They were back at Bobby's, a place as close to home as any, which, Sam thought, was the best possible place to be when he finally remembered hell. His father and Adam had concurred and they had brought Dean back under the pretense of Bobby having a hunt for them. Bobby had been skeptical of the plan at first, raising every logical argument against it, but he had accepted it when he saw that this was the only choice they had. Sam had been putting off telling Dean until now, but the moment of truth had finally arrived. And Dean was taking it about as well as expected.

"You have got to be crazy for even considering it." Dean continued. "Do you have any idea what it will do to you, Sam? To us?"

"It's not about us." Sam argued. "The fate of the world very well might rest on it."

"Might? You are doing it all for a maybe?" Dean replied. "Sam if you don't care about yourself, atleast think about me. Think about what this will do to me. I'll be the one stuck taking care of your crazy ass after this."

"Could you, for one moment stop being so damned selfish?" Sam shouted back. "This isn't about you. The world doesn't revolve around you Dean. And this is not your decision."

"The hell it isn't."

"No, it's not. It's mine and I'm doing it." Sam replied. "With or without you. So you can either support me like a good brother or you can just go to hell, either way those memories are coming back."

Dean took in deep breaths, trying to calm himself down and think of another argument. It wouldn't work, Dean knew that. Sam was determined and when that happened, Sam did exactly what he wanted. And this time he had everyone else telling him it was a good idea. So why the hell would he listen to Dean? Blinking away the sudden tears in his eyes, Dean turned away from his brother. Anger slid off Sam face as he felt a flash of guilt for hurting his brother. But he had no reason to feel guilty, Sam thought, Dean was the one acting like a prick here. Nevertheless, morphing his features into a look of compassion, Sam placed a comforting hand on his brother's shoulder.

"What's going on with you Dean?" Sam asked gently. "At first it was just nightmares but now it seems like you have really lost your game. You have slipped too far and too fast and now it has come to the point where you can't go on a simple salt and burn without someone saving your ass. That's not natural."

"I don't know Sam." Dean replied. "I guess all those years of hunting have finally caught up to me. You know, you hear about the soldiers who have fought too long and lost their nerve. I think I might be one of them."

"That's bullshit, Dean." Sam said. "I have been through as much as you have and there are others who have been through more. If you break with just this then – then the only thing that explains it is that you are not as strong as I thought you were."

Dean's face dropped, a look of immense sadness washing over it. Then Sam saw him pull it back together and turn it into a twisted smile.

"I don't know what to tell you Sam." Dean replied. "Maybe – maybe I just need a break from it all. Go on a vacation, you know, relax for a few days. What do you think?"

"You and me Sam, on a vacation. Just for a few days we'll pretend that all this crap isn't happening." Dean said, his face breaking into a hopeful smile. "Just us okay, no Dad, no Adam, no angels. Who knows, maybe you'll see this whole remembering thing differently once you come back."

Sam's face hardened. He had felt relieved that Dean had finally dropped that idea, but now, of all the times, he was bringing it up again?

"Dean, you've done nothing but lie around at Bobby's when we left you here." Sam said.

"Spending time with that old grouch is your idea of a vacation?" Dean smirked. "Please, Sam, just a few days. A week at most. I feel that I really need this to reconnect with you. And if you are still set on this crazy plan of yours after you come back, I swear I won't stop you."

"We don't have that kind of time."

"Sam I've done a lot for you our entire life." Dean pleaded. "If any of that means anything to you, you'll do this one thing for me."

"Emotional blackmail, Dean? Really? That's a new low even for you." Sam replied angrily. "I'm not gonna go on a vacation with you when the fate of the world hangs in the balance. Stop trying to distract me Dean, this is going to happen."

Dean let out a defeated sigh. He had tried everything he could to deter Sam from his course of action or atleast try to buy him some time, but Sam had withstood it all. He really was determined and Dean knew that at this point, nothing he said or did would matter. So everything he wanted to say to Sam or wanted to know from him, this was his last chance, because most likely, Sam wouldn't be able to talk to him tomorrow.

"Okay then, have it your way." Dean conceded. "Just one thing. Before you do it, answer a few questions for me. As honestly as you can. I don't want any of your diplomatic crap, okay?"

"I have been honest with you all this time." Sam replied.

"Dammit, Sam, I'm trying to – trying to convince myself that I didn't make any mistakes here." Dean said. "Just tell me the truth from here onwards."

"Okay."

"Look, I know I'm not a good hunter anymore. But was I ever?" Dean asked.

"What kind of a question is that?" Sam replied. "Of course you were."

"Really? Better than Dad or Bobby? Better than the Campbells or better than Adam ever would be?"

"It's not a fair comparison, Dean. I can't exactly rate you on your hunting skills." Sam replied. "Look, you have always been reckless. You have always rushed in half-assed. And you never do your own research. You always left the 'grunt-work', as you call it, to me or Bobby. We were the ones who figured out what we were dealing with and came up with a sane, logical plan to beat it. So yeah, in a conventional sense, you were not a very good hunter."

Sam saw his brother look disappointed at that but continued nevertheless.

"But as a hunter you were always unconventional. You always knew who to ask to get the right answer. You usually fought on your instinct which happened to be dead-on more often than not. And you'd often come up with plans so reckless and crazy that they would end up succeeding because no one ever saw that coming. But you can't depend on those things for ever."

"Okay. Got it." Dean said.

"Let me finish." Sam continued. "In my opinion, the source of your greatest strength was how much you cared. Cared about the people you saved, cared about your family. Cared about me, most of all. I guess that's why you've always found a way to fix everything."

Dean let out a hollow laugh at that.

"Remember when you actually used to believe that?" He asked. "That I was some kind of superhero who could fix everything? You've never looked up to me as much as you did then. What the hell happened, Sam?"

"Reality happened." Sam replied. "You are not a superhero. You are just a normal guy who has had a sucky life. But you chose that life, Dean. You had plenty of chances to get out and you didn't."

"I guess. One last thing, Sam. How do you see me in this family?" Dean asked. "I mean, what's my place here, with you and Dad and Adam and Bobby? Will it all fall apart if I'm not here?"

"You wanted honesty, so I'll give it to you." Sam said. "First of all, the Campbells are a part of our family as well and the fact that you don't consider them should tell you something about your place. The fact is Dean, you are losing us. You have been getting more and more distant lately and if you keep this act of yours up, you won't be a part of us anymore. And I don't want to see that happen to you, not after everything you have been through. For everyone's sake, you have to be stronger than this."

"Is that my job, then? Being strong so everyone could depend on me?"

"At this point, I'll say yes." Sam replied. "You have to start fighting to protect your family."

"So it's my destiny to sacrifice everything for my family?"

"Not your destiny, Dean. You chose it for yourself." Sam answered. "And I know that it sucks that you can't have a moment of weakness without being punished for it, but that's the way it is. After I get back my memories of hell, I'm gonna need you more than ever. I'm just asking you to be there for me."

Dean nodded slowly, finally having received all his answers and cleared his doubts. Sam was right, he wasn't allowed to be weak. Whether they realized it or not, others looked to him for support in their times of need and if he couldn't give them that, then what use was he to his family?

"I'm sorry, Sam. I can't." Dean said, shaking his head.

"What?" Sam asked, surprised. He had felt like he had finally gotten through to his brother.

"I can't go through this. I can't watch you destroy yourself willingly." Dean explained. "So, I'm not gonna stick around. I'm sure that our newly extended family would be happy to take care of you afterwards, but I'm not gonna be there. I'm leaving. "

"Leaving?" Sam repeated, in shock. "You can't leave. Where will you go?"

"I don't know. I'll take a break from hunting, I guess. Give the normal life another shot." Dean replied. "But I don't want to hear from you or anyone else about how much you guys need me here. I'm done giving myself to this family, to you. I'm just done with everything. So I guess there is no pint in me staying here anymore. "

Having said his final word, Dean turned around and started walking back towards the house. Dean was leaving? That wasn't possible. Dean never left. He always stuck by Sam, pulling him through thick and thin. And now he was just walking away from everything? Suddenly Sam wasn't so sure of his idea anymore. He had depended on Dean being there to pull him through the aftermath. Who was going to save him now?

Dean had almost finished packing up his duffel when Bobby walked in. One look at his angry face and Dean knew that Sam had told everyone about his defection. Dean steeled himself fro the tirade that was about to come.

"What the hell, boy?" Bobby shouted. "You are leaving? Just like that?"

"Yes and don't you start with me." Dean replied.

"Your family needs you now, Dean." Bobby argued. "Sam needs you. He's gonna need you more than he ever has."

"Don't you start with the family crap." Dean shouted back. "I've sacrificed everything for this family. And I can't do it anymore."

"You ain't the only one who has made sacrifices."

"You think you are going to guilt-trip me into changing my mind?" Dean said. "I've made up my mind. I'm driving off right now and unless something big changes, I'm not coming back."

"You are not driving anywhere." John shouted at Dean, suddenly appearing in the room beside Bobby. "Atleast not in the Impala."

"What?" Dean said, surprised. "That's my car."

"No, it's not. It's mine." John replied. "I gave it to you when you became a hunter and now I'm taking it back, since you have decided to quit."

"Dad - "

"Keys. Now."

"Fine." Dean said, throwing Bobby the keys to the family vehicle. "And I suppose it would be too much to ask for a ride to the bus stop? Fine, I'll just walk."

"Dean, please think about what you are doing." Bobby pleaded. "You are abandoning your family."

"I have thought about it. And I'm going."

"Well then stay gone." Bobby shouted angrily. "If all of us mean that little to you then go ahead and leave. Just don't you dare show your face here again, you hear me? I'm gonna shoot you full of rock-salt if you do."

Dean nodded tightly at Bobby's declaration. It was no less than he had expected from him. Dean had long ago realized that his only value to his family was what he could give them and he simply didn't have any more to give. Better he leave on his own terms than be kicked out. Giving his father and father-figure one last regretful look, Dean picked up his duffel and walked out of the room.

* * *

"Are you ready?" Castiel asked softly.

It had been two days since Dean left, two days of enjoying what seemed to be his last days on earth and now Sam was finally ready to remember hell. His whole family was there for him. Lying on the bed in the panic room and cuffed down (because they didn't know what would happen once he remembered), Sam looked around and saw everyone he wanted to see there. Even Samuel, Christian and Gwen had showed up for support. Everyone, except Dean. Well, screw him, Sam thought angrily. If he thought that Sam wouldn't be able to handle it without his help, well he was wrong. He had everyone he needed right here.

"Sam." Castiel said a little more loudly. "Are you ready?"

The angel was as hurt and disappointed by Dean's departure as was expected. He had never said it, but Dean's unending devotion to his family had been the source of Castiel's faith in humanity and now the very foundation on that faith had been shaken. He'd restore that, Sam thought to himself. He'd prove to Castiel that they didn't need Dean to be strong.

"Yes. So how does this work?" Sam asked. "You put your hand on my head and we go on some psychic journey? We get to a wall and I take a sledge-hammer to it? What?"

"Nothing so exotic." Castiel replied. "Just close your eyes and try to remember Lucifer. Anything you can, what he did to you, how you felt when he was in you."

Sam closed his eyes and tried to remember hell and Lucifer. Lucifer, talking to him in Jess's form. Lucifer looking contemptuous while raising Death. Lucifer, looking like himself in the mirror, sympathizing with all the anger. Him falling in the hole with Satan fighting desperately. Nothing. The memories just stopped there. He could feel that he was on the verge of remembering something, but just couldn't.

"It's not working." Sam said.

"Try harder. Dig deeper." Castiel replied.

So Sam dug. Lucifer and Michael facing each-other in the cemetery. Adam, bleeding in the ground from Zachariah's torture. Lucifer, slashing through the helpless demons, fueled by Sam's rage. Lucifer, beating Dean nearly to death with his fists. Lucifer, cutting into him and Michael gleefully joining him.

Just like that it all came rushing back. Over a hundred years worth of memories filled his mind with all the torture he had gone through. Involuntarily, Sam sucked in a long breath and his eyes shot open, panicked and desperate. He started hyperventilating and struggling against his cuffs, trying to get out of bed. A pair of strong calming hands grabbed his shoulders and gently but inexorably pushed him down again.

"Sam, breathe. You have to focus." Castiel said urgently. "You have to tell us before you lose it. Try focusing on the specific memory."

Taking a few deep gulps of air, Sam finally calmed down. He was okay, there was no reason to panic. Those memories were horrible but he wasn't there anymore. He was out.

"Cas, I'm fine." Sam said. "Let me out of this cuffs. I'll tell you everything."

Looking doubtfully at Sam's sudden change in demeanor, Castiel nevertheless moved aside to let Bobby undo his bindings. Rubbing his raw wrists, Sam looked at everyone in relief. This wasn't anything to be afraid of. He didn't feel any different even after remembering hell.

"The rings are the key." Sam said at length.

"What rings?" Castiel asked.

"The horsemen's rings. They can be used to kill an angel." Sam explained. "Lucifer knew that he wasn't strong enough to kill Michael, so he had a backup plan. The horsemen are powerful creatures and their powers lie in the rings. That's why Lucifer wanted them under his control. The horsemen could, if they wanted, summon any angel, even an arch-angel and temporarily suppress his powers. It just needed any three of them working in tandem."

"But the horsemen are gone." Castiel said, dejectedly.

"Yeah, but the rings aren't." Sam replied. "When a human puts on one of those rings, he can gain the powers of a horseman for some time. I guess for a day or so. Now, Death got his ring back from Dean, but we still have three left. Any three of us can put them on and force Raphael to come down. Then we can suppress his powers long enough for Castiel to kill him. We'll have to be quick though. Once we force-summon Raphael, his troops won't be far behind."

"How the hell are we gonna do that?" Adam asked. "Even if we put on the rings, we don't know how to use them."

"I guess that once you become a horseman, you automatically know what to do." Sam answered. "I mean, Dean became death almost immediately."

Sam looked around at everyone in the room, smiling and hopeful. Their risk had paid off. They had a sure-fire way of killing Raphael and he was none the worse for it. The considering and doubtful looks on everyone's face slowly turned into relief and smiles. Dean had been wrong about everything. Their risk had been a calculated and smart move. He couldn't wait to tell Dean how off-base he had been.

* * *

Chapter two completed. I've noticed something in my writing technique that is quite different from what I've seen from a lot of writers so far. I try to put in a lot of events in as few chapters as possible. For example, initially I was going to finish this chapter with the group confronting Raphael and halfway through recovering Dean. I don't know if that is good or bad. On one hand, no one can say that the story progresses too slowly. On the other, it leaves a sense of incompleteness, less like reading a story and more like reading the cliff-notes version. Even so I'm not very good at writing big paragraphs just on people's emotions. I think this chapter was better in that respect compared to the first one. I'd really appreciate if someone suggested any ways of improving, because I've seen a lot of stories where both the progress of the story and presentation of its effect on everyone is very well done.

As for the chapter itself, like I said, the real fun is going to start from next chapter onwards. Tell me what you thought about it this one.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:** I used to own supernatural, the boys, the Impala and everything else on the show. But then, the men in white gave me my meds and I had to take them.

**Summary**: They say that you never know what you have until you lose it. They knew what they were talking about.

* * *

**Chapter 3.**

"_Dean, hey, it's Sam, again. Seriously dude, talking to your voicemail is getting a little annoying. Anyway, just giving you the update. I'm still okay, even after remembering hell. But I guess you got that from the last three messages I left you. Cas checked me over. Whatever fixed Adam fixed me too. So I guess there is a God after all. Mysterious ways and all that huh? Anyway, I'm perfectly fine, so there is no reason for you to stay away. Unless you cared more about me listening to you than you did about the other thing. In which case, I'm a little pissed off. I mean, what gives you the right to tell me - " deep breath " Sorry. Got a little carried off. Look, Dean, after all we have been through together, I don't want this to come between us. We are going after Raphael tonight. It's not gonna be easy and we could use any help we get. Look, I'm not asking you to drop everything and come back. I realize that I have no right at all of asking you for anything and if you really want a life away from us and from hunting, I'm the last person who can say anything. But I can't live with being at odds with you. Even if you don't come back, just call. Please."_

_

* * *

_

Adam was sweating profusely. They all were, Sam realized. Humans weren't meant to harness the powers of the horsemen and it was not easy. But it looked like they finally had the hang of it. Adam was wearing War's ring, Bobby had Pestilence and he himself had Famine. Kind of symbolic, Sam though, given his hunger issues. He could feel the power of the ring coursing through his veins. A power different than any he had felt before, different that the demon-blood or the time when he had been possessed by Lucifer. And all that power was now concentrated at one point, at the kneeling angel in the center.

Raphael had finally been subdued, though not without a fight. The plan had been for Castiel to keep him busy while the three of them focused on suppressing his grace. Christian was handling the colt, shooting Raphael to buy them a few precious seconds. Right now, he was lying unconscious on the far end of the barn which they had picked for their showdown, having been flung there by Raphael after his first shot. Castiel had not fared much better. His attempts to fight Raphael had left him hurt and bleeding, barely able to stand up. But the time he had bought them had been enough. Raphael was now under control, but Sam didn't know how long they could keep him that way or how long would it take for his followers to locate him and come to his aid.

"Cas, hurry up." Sam shouted at the angel. "We don't have much time."

"I should have killed you as soon as you came back to life." Raphael spat venomously at Sam and Adam. "Especially you, worm." He added, looking towards the younger brother.

"You had your chance." Castiel replied, staggering to his feet and making his way towards the archangel. "And now, it's our turn."

Raphael glared at Castiel, his eyes glittering with frenzy. He tried to get up to defend himself but was held in place by the three humans.

"What now?" He asked the approaching angel. "You can't kill an archangel."

"I can with this." Castiel replied, taking out an angelic weapon from his trench-coat. "An archangel's blade. Gabriel's actually. The Winchesters picked it up after Lucifer had killed him."

For the first time, fear shone out of Raphael's eyes. There was no escaping it, he realized, he was going to die now.

"This isn't over." He said. "Michael will return to power and when he does, he will resurrect me. And then I'll take my time making you suffer."

"Well then," Castiel said, raising the blade above his head. "You have something to look forward to in the afterlife."

The sword swung down in an arc and buried itself deep in Raphael's shoulder, going all the way to his heart. In a last desperate attempt, Raphael tried to break free from his restraints, bringing forth all the power he had in him. The three hunters weren't able to hold down the angel any longer and were thrown back by the force of his grace. A sudden pain flared up in Sam's hand and he notice that the ring had shattered, leaving his fingers bleeding. One look at Adam and Bobby cradling their hands and Sam knew that the same fate had befallen their rings as well. Castiel had been thrown on his back too and Raphael got up back to his feet. But it was already too late for him. Light began to shine out of his eyes and mouth and with one final ear-piercing scream, Raphael died in a flash of white light, leaving behind nothing but a dead vessel and a shadow of his wing behind the body.

They had to move now, Sam thought. Castiel had thought of it sooner, it seemed, because as soon as Sam opened his mouth, he found himself back at Bobby's with the others. As the adrenaline rush began to wear off, Sam smiled in relief, the weight of what they had accomplished finally getting to him.

"We did it." Adam cried, practically jumping with joy. "We killed Raphael."

The sentiment seemed to be going around. Christian was finally up and Bobby was already getting out his finest brew. Castiel, for some reason, still looked troubled.

"Yes, we did." He agreed. "Raphael is dead, no doubt about it."

"What is it, Cas?" Sam asked, Castiel's worry getting to him.

"It's just odd." Castiel replied. "Raphael is dead, I'm sure of it. But this was far too easy."

"Were you in the same fight?" Christian asked, rubbing the back of his head. "It looked plenty tough from where I was standing."

"Yes, but so many things could have gone wrong." Castiel explained. "It's a miracle that Raphael didn't realize what we were trying to do and take out the ones wearing the rings first. If he had killed even one of you, all would have been lost. And his warriors took too long to get there. They should have known where he was and come to help him long ago. I had not expected this to take this much time. Frankly, I'd expected that if it took more than five minutes, we'd have the host of heaven upon us. It seems like something was making sure that they didn't interfere."

"Something like God?" Sam asked.

"At this point, I have no other explanation." Castiel replied. "It is a comforting thought, isn't it? That we have God on our side. Whatever the reason maybe, we were successful and that's what matters."

"So, what now?"

"Now, I go back to heaven." Castiel said. "If I am to reclaim power, I will have to act fast. Heaven would be lost and confused right now, having lost the only surviving archangel. If I go back and proclaim victory immediately, they will follow me, thinking that this is the will of God."

"You can pull something like that off?"

"Luckily I have Joshua on my side." Castiel replied. "They would be turning to him because he is the only one left who has had any contact with our Father."

Castiel disappeared, leaving the rest of the family to celebrate their victory. And celebrate it they did, pouring drinks all around.

"Is it always this awesome?" Christian asked. "Accomplishing something this big?"

"Well, there usually is a very high price to pay." Sam replied. "Someone important usually ends up dead. This is the first time we have gotten off scott-free."

"Maybe that's because Dean wasn't here." Christian said. "No one around to screw it all up, huh?"

Sam frowned at that. It was true that Dean had been very unreliable recently, but he still didn't like hearing things like that about his brother.

"So, what are you boys going to do now?" Bobby asked steering the conversation in another direction.

What were they going to do now? Sam wondered. Probably the usual. Search the obits, look for a hunt. Like Dean had once said, it was never going to be over. There would always be something to hunt. Dean. His brother who had left them at their time of need. Well, it was only fair, Sam thought. After all, how many times had he left Dean when he had needed him. He had once promised Dean that they would be brothers again, even if they weren't together. And he still cared enough to keep that promise.

"I think we'll go and see how Dean is doing." Sam replied at length. His answer brought looks of skepticism and worry on other's faces.

"Are you sure?" Bobby asked. "After all, he didn't exactly part on good terms."

"I'm pretty sure that he'd like to see me once again, even if he doesn't want to come back." Sam replied.

"Sam, you've left him a dozen messages." Adam said. "He hasn't bothered to answer even one of them. What does that tell you?"

"Look, last time I tried calling him, his cell was switched off. And Dean's cell is never switched off." Sam explained. "Which means he is trying to cut off all contact with his old life. He probably didn't even check any of his messages, which means he probably doesn't even know that I'm alright. Trust me, once he sees that I'm okay, he won't care about anything else."

"Yeah, but is that the kind of guy you want with you?" Christian asked. "One who will stick around for the good times and bail on during the bad?"

"Screw you, Chris." Sam replied. "Dean has been there for me more than you'd ever know. And I can't blame him for finally having had enough."

"Where will you even find him?" It was Adam again. He really seemed not be very keen on the idea of having Dean back.

"At Lisa's ofcourse." Sam replied as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Dean said he was going to take a break. Where else would he go? Tomorrow morning, we're leaving for Indiana."

* * *

In the end, they weren't able to make it to Lisa's for two whole weeks. Adam found a hunt for them the very next morning. Sam suspected that he'd spent the night looking for one. Anything to avoid meeting Dean again. Nevertheless, there were people's lives at stake and they couldn't ignore it just for one man. Dean would have to wait.

So they had gone on the hunt. One hunt had turned into a three and Sam had felt Dean's absence during every one of them. They had dismissed Dean as a sub-par hunter, not needed and in the way, but they hadn't realized how Dean made their lives easier in a million small ways. Whenever they entered a town, Dean had always been the first one to case all the bars, picking out which ones were best suited for their hustling. Pick out one that was too posh and they wouldn't find a mark, all the patrons being too careful of the rugged individuals. Pick one that was too seedy and it was teeming with people like them, people who lived on the edge of civilization. Any attempt to hustle there would inevitably lead to a bar fight. Hell, even if no one trying to hustle and playing an honest game of pool, the patrons were always loath to parting with their money without a fight. Sam had realized that when they had barely escaped from one of those joints, running from an irate biker gang.

Money was another issue that Dean had always taken care of. He had always kept a close eye on the balance left in all their credit cards and had always picked out which ones to use when. Adam had recently lost one of them when he gave a credit card and an identity card to the motel manager, both with different names on them. The manager, being a law abiding citizen, had called the cops and the Winchesters had bailed before they arrived. Sam had also failed to notice when the rest of their cards had lapsed, leaving them in dire straits, financially.

"I'm sure there is something worth selling in your trunk." Christian said, after they had narrowly escaped going into police custody.

"What do you mean?" Sam asked, confused.

"Sam, how do you think the Campbells fund their hunts?" Christian explained. "We have got a lot of such things, being passed down through the family. When needed, we sell them for a few mill and we are set for the next few years. Every now and then, we find something worth selling and keep it for the future. These things we find are worth a lot if you know the right market. Hell, if we sell those angel knives, we'll be set for life."

"You are kidding, right?" Sam asked, shocked. "These things can be very dangerous in wrong hands. Imagine what would happen if one of the demons got their hands on the angel blades."

"So what? You and Dean just destroy everything you find that you can't use?" Christian said. "No offence, but that's just stupid. What about this?"

Sam briefly looked away from the road to look at the item that Christian was holding up. It was Dean's amulet.

"Where the hell did you find that?" Sam asked sharply. "Give it back."

"Relax, it was in hidden below the back seat. I'm guessing you put it there." Christian replied, looking careful at the artifact. "It looks like a protective charm of some sort. Easily worth a few thousand."

"It's more than that. That amulet glows hot in presence of God. Ideally, it could be used to find Him." Sam explained. "And that thing belongs to Dean. We are not selling it."

"Really? Because I've never seen him wear it."

"Chris is right." Adam added from the backseat where he'd been sleeping until now. "If that thing can find God, it's gotta be worth a lot. And Dean clearly doesn't want it. So, why not sell it?"

"Are you even listening to yourself?" Sam said, angrily. "We are not selling that or anything else in the trunk. We have gotten by on credit card scams before and we will keep doing that."

That had been the end of the subject. They had borrowed some money from Samuel to tide them over till the next card came along. But money wasn't the only problem here. Even during hunts Sam felt Dean's absence because there were a lot of things that he took care of. He always knew which less than reputable areas to visit to get information and he knew how to make get the information out of reluctant witnesses without strong-arming them. In the year that Sam had hunted without Dean, he'd always gotten people to talk through a combination of intimidation and threats, a technique that the Campbells had favored as well. He had run into a fair share of problems due to that, getting incomplete information at times and getting nothing but lies at others. Dean had him beat at that as well. Sam might be good at reading people, looking for tells to see if they were lying, but that just didn't cut it with seasoned liars. Dean always had a sixth sense about these things.

The breaking point came three days into the third hunt since killing Raphael. They were hunting something that was killing cops and criminals alike and the whole thing had been a disaster. In hindsight, Sam could clearly see all the mistakes they had made. Their first mistake had been with the pretty cop on the vice beat. Adam had come on to her a bit too strongly, while Sam had been too aloof. Neither had quite managed to hit the right combination of professional but open to fun like Dean had always managed so effortlessly. Their second mistake had been with an informant. They had questioned him as the FBI, thereby putting him on the guard. Dean would have gone with a fellow criminal. Their third mistake had been to use the afore-mentioned cop as bait. They hadn't figured out what they were dealing with yet, nevertheless they had assured the girl that they would protect her. They had failed. They had come out a little too late and had found the cop bleeding on the ground from three deep slashes across her chest. She had died in surgery. The creature had escaped after figuring out that hunters were in town.

"These things happen, right?" Adam asked, looking guilty. This was the first hunt where he had failed. "Atleast no one else will die here."

"Yeah, but this thing will start over somewhere else." Sam replied. He had no words of comfort to offer his brother. Not at this moment. "We screwed up Adam. No two ways about it. We need to get Dean back."

"How could he have changed things?"

"Well, Dean would never have gone for putting the girl's life at risk like that." Sam answered.

"Really? You are telling me that Dean has never used civilians as bait before? That's bullshit." Adam said.

"He has. But he always made sure that they knew what they were getting into. We lied to this girl because it was more convenient that way." Sam explained. "Adam, you have to realize that while hunting, you come across a lot of issues where 'it's for the greater good' doesn't cover it. There is a line that if you cross, you become no different than the things you hunt. Dean always knew where that line was. This is why we need him back."

"Okay, fine have it your way." Adam capitulated. "Just give us a few more hunts before that. If we go to Dean now, he's never gonna let me live this one down. He'll try to use it as an excuse to kick me off the team."

Sam looked at his father for confirmation and just got a shrug in reply. John had been acting as their information gatherer from the other side, communing with other spirits and the like. He had been ambivalent about the prospect of getting Dean back. It was his firm opinion that leaving Dean out of hunting would be best for his eldest, given Dean's recent decline. After all, atleast one of his sons was getting a shot at normal life.

"Fine." Sam agreed. "Bobby called about a salt-and-burn some time ago. I guess we could look into that before."

"A simple salt-and-burn? Isn't that a little below your pay-grade?" Christian asked. He had joined them just for the last part of the hunt as back-up, thereby avoiding all the guilt Sam and Adam felt. "I mean, we just took down Raphael, the biggest mofo this side of the veil. Going for a silly little ghost at his point seems a little anti-climactic."

"A hunt is a hunt." Sam answered, confused.

"Still, we are the Campbells, you know. We rarely talk on small fry. And you are one of us now. We have a reputation to uphold." Christian continued.

Sam had noticed this attitude in all the Campbells before. Their pride in their position among the hunting community. The usually delegated smaller hunts to other contacts, focusing only on what they deemed to be worthy of their time.

"Does Samuel think like that too?" Sam asked. "Because I remember that he chewed me out when I suggested we back off the shifter hunt. I thought it was the work of some psycho at that point."

"Samuel knew that an alpha was involved that time." Christian replied. "Crowley had handed him the hunt himself, after all. C'mon Sam, we could all use a little bit of rest. Until something bigger comes along."

Sam looked at Adam and his father for their opinion. Adam just shrugged in reply.

"Well, I would never have gotten as close to Yellow-eyes as I did if I had taken up every little hunt that came across my way." John said. "Being able to pick and choose hunt sis an important quality for a hunter."

Dean would never have gone for it, Sam thought. For Dean, every hunt meant potential lives at stake and that's why he had given equal importance to each and every one of them. They needed Dean with them because all these years, Dean had been the voice of reason among them, their conscience.

"Okay, fine, we'll skip this hunt." Sam accepted. "Then I guess we are going to see Dean tomorrow."

"What?" Adam said, surprised. He had not seen that one coming at all. "Wait. Fine. We'll go on the hunt."

"You'd rather go on a hunt than see your brother?" Sam asked. "How much do you hate him?"

"No one hates Dean." John interrupted. "We all just think that he is better off out of this life."

"Well, thanks for including me in the vote." Sam replied sarcastically. "We're going to Lisa's tomorrow. Atleast I am. You guys can come with me or not. Christian, you better sit this one out. I don't think Dean's gonna like you coming."

Sam had said the final word on the subject and no amount of subsequent arguments from others moved him. Christian left that very night and Sam and Adam packed their bags, preparing for their journey tomorrow. Tomorrow, Sam smiled to himself; they were going to see Dean again.

* * *

Another car, a blue Sedan, pulled up in front of Lisa's house as soon as Sam and Adam got there. Sam saw Ben get out of the car excitedly, running towards the Impala. His face fell a little as he saw Sam and Adam get out, but greeted them enthusiastically none the less.

"Hi Ben." Sam returned the greeting. "Good to see you too. This is my little brother, Adam."

"I didn't know Dean had another brother." Ben said, shaking Adam's hand. Sam felt a little irritated that Dean had left Adam out of any conversation he'd had with his new family.

"Dean's brother, huh? That must make you Sam Winchester." Another man, the driver of the Sedan, walked up to them. "I have to tell you, I've heard a lot of things about you guys from Ben here."

"All good, I hope." Sam replied. "And you are?"

"Jack Shore. Ben's father." Sam saw Ben stiffen a little at the introduction. "I have to tell you, your brother, he has not been a very good influence on Ben here."

"Excuse me?" Sam said, confused at the man's demeanor.

"Yeah. Ben here seems to think that Dean is some kind of a hero. But all I see is a homeless, jobless bum who mooched off Lisa for a year and then left her hanging." Jack said coldly. "Lisa does not need a man like that hanging around."

Sam bristled up in defense of his brother but Ben beat him to it.

"Would you give us a minute, Dad?" Ben said. Sam didn't miss the sarcastic inflection on the last word. "I need to talk to these guys privately."

Jack shrugged, walked away, back to his car and drove off without another word. Ben was looking irritated at the man.

"So, your father, huh?" Sam asked.

"He's my birth father. That does not make him my dad." Ben replied. "He came back a few months ago. Said he had cleaned up his act and wanted to be a part of the family again. And he has been hitting on Mom ever since. But he doesn't even begin to compare to Dean and Mom knows it. Well, enough about him. What are you guys doing here? And where is Dean?" Ben looked worried and the confused faces before him. "Dean's okay, isn't he?"

"Yeah, Dean's fine, as far as we know." Sam replied. "But we came here looking for Dean."

"Here? Sam we haven't seen Dean since that night he came back, acting all weird." Ben said. "What makes you think he'd be here?"

"Well, he was going to take a little break from hunting." Sam replied. "We naturally thought that he'd come here."

"So Dean doesn't know about the other thing? About Mom?" Ben asked. "She told me that she'd called him."

"What are you talking about?" Sam was now thoroughly confused. "What other thing?"

"Uh – you guys better come in." Ben replied, leading them back into the house.

Adam and Sam quietly followed Ben back into the house. Everything in there looked as normal as possible, like a comfortable family home. Lisa came out of the kitchen in response to Ben's shout and Sam immediately saw that she didn't look normal. She looked a lot different from the last time Sam had seen her. Sam's jaw fell open in surprise as did Adam's.

"Lisa – you – uh - ." Sam stuttered.

"Yes Sam. I'm pregnant." Lisa replied, stroking her swollen belly. "And nice to meet you too."

"Uh, sure." Sam replied, still grappling with the situation. "How far along are you?"

"Almost nine months." Lisa replied.

Nine months. Sam did some quick mental arithmetic. They had gone to Scotland about nine months ago and Dean had visited Lisa for the second last time just after returning.

"Yes, it's Dean's." Lisa said in reply to the question Sam was about to ask. "Is he here with you by the way."

"No, he's taking a break from hunting." Sam replied. "We thought he might have come here. Lisa, why didn't you tell Dean that you were pregnant?"

"It wouldn't have changed anything." Lisa said.

"The hell it wouldn't."

"Sam listen, I wanted to tell Dean. Really, I did." Lisa explained. "But he was still a hunter. He could come back and live with us but that would only put us all in danger. And I can't do that to either of my children. There was a reason we broke up and this baby doesn't change that."

"He had the right to know." Sam almost shouted. "You can't just go about deciding what's best for him on your own."

"Really Sam? You are saying that?" Lisa replied, reminding Sam of his own secret. "What do you think Dean would have done if I had told him? Either he'd have come back to us full time, in which case he'd have been miserable, or he'd have tried to be a part-time Dad. Neither of which would have been best for the baby."

"You still should have told him." Sam said. But he knew that Lisa was right. Having Dean Winchester as the father would definitely mean a difficult life for the child. But it still wasn't Lisa's decision to make.

"Sam, can you tell me what happened that night?" Lisa asked. "Dean seemed so freaked out and he never told me why?"

"Does it matter?" Sam asked, still unwilling to discuss the subject that brought up such feelings of guilt.

"One of the reasons I decided not to tell Dean was because I didn't want a repeat performance of that night." Lisa explained. "He almost hurt me that night and he hurt Ben. I kind of made the decision to keep this a secret based on that."

"He barely pushed me, mom." Ben said.

"He was trying to protect you." Sam replied. "Look, the only reason Dean came by that night was because he thought that he was going to die. He had been infected by vampire blood and he was turning into one. He kind of wanted to see you for the last time."

"Dean's a vampire?" Lisa gulped.

"No, there was a cure and he's fine now." Sam replied. "Look, it was my fault that it happened. And I should have told him about the cure sooner. It's a long story, okay, but don't base everything on that one night. As soon as he felt himself turn, Dean ran away to protect you guys."

"See, I told you there was an explanation." Ben crowed to his mother.

Lisa limply sat back on a chair, remorse covering her features.

"He was trying to protect us." She said. "I thought that he was unreliable. Dangerous even."

"Dean is dangerous. But never to you guys." Sam replied.

"I think – I think I want him to know about the baby." Lisa said finally. "I made a mistake in not telling him."

But the fact was, as Sam realized then, that they now had no idea about Dean's whereabouts. He had been so sure that they would find Dean here that they had never considered any alternatives.

Sam and Adam stayed at Lisa's for the afternoon and left with promises of calling them as soon as they found Dean. As they drove off, two things hit Sam with force. Firstly, he was going to be an uncle. A new member would be coming into their family. Dean's child. It didn't matter what Dean might want, he was going to be a part of that child's life. Secondly, Dean was now officially missing. They had no clue as to his location and they had no way of finding it. Especially since most of Dean's possessions, including the Impala, were with them.

* * *

It looked as if Dean had disappeared off the face of the earth. They had absolutely no luck finding him or any trace of him. They had located his cell phone to a ditch a little distance from the Singer Salvage Yard, with a little help from Castiel. It looked like he'd thrown it away the very day he'd left them. They took every hunt that had the possibility of making Dean take it, specifically the ones with Dean's favorite preys, werewolves, vampires and the like. The hunts were there was little ambiguity about the bad guys. They had spread the word through Bobby's widespread hunter's network, but to no avail. Even Castiel and their father had no luck finding Dean through their spiritual contacts. All they could tell them was that Dean was alive and in this world. Sam was cursing the day Castiel had put on the shielding sigils on their ribs. Those things hid Dean from every conceivable locating spell they could think of.

Sam had hoped that somehow Dean would have gotten the news about Lisa's pregnancy. They'd left messages on every number Dean had ever had. He was hoping that Dean would be present at the birth of his child, but that didn't happen. A month and a half later when Lisa gave birth to a healthy baby boy, little Steve Winchester (named after Lisa's father), Dean was still nowhere to be seen. Sam had stuck around for a few days, till Lisa got back on her feet, growing to love the little kid more and more, but a hunt had called him off. Sam regretted that it were his actions that had robbed Dean of seeing his first child and he desperately hoped that he'd get to make up for them.

That had been his fault all along that he had never tried to make up to Dean for anything. He'd always thought that the wrongs he did against Dean were so unforgivable that he couldn't even begin to make up for them, That may be true, but it didn't excuse his not even trying. Dean had always given him a second chance and Sam had accepted it gratefully, trying to get forgiveness from others because he'd already received it from his brother. But he wouldn't let that happen again, Sam promised himself. If they found Dean again, he'd appreciate his brother like he'd never done before.

In fact, Sam was finding new ways of appreciating Dean every day. It wasn't just that Dean took care of the finances or so many other little things that made his life easier. Dean's entire presence was necessary for Sam to keep his sanity during the hunt. It would be so easy to slip back into old habits, Sam thought. Habits that had been there whenever Dean wasn't. The obsession with the hunt. The disregard for lives of others. The hunger for power and revenge. Dean had always kept him grounded in reality. And not just him. Throughout his life Dean had performed the same duty for Dad and whoever he'd hunted with.

Sam had hunted without Dean for extended periods three times in his life. Once when they were trapped in the Trickster's universe. Next when Dean had gone to hell. And the last when Sam had come back from hell. Each time Sam had become this harder, unfeeling version of himself that he'd hate to become again. Every time he hunted without Dean, he'd lost sight of his goal and ended up hurting a lot of people. People he was supposed to protect. And Sam was morbidly afraid of letting it happen again.

But keeping him on the straight and narrow hadn't been the only thing Dean did for him. Hunting was a tough job and no matter how stoic you were, after a time it got to you. No matter how much you hunted or how hard, there would always be people dying out there and sooner or later that fact got to you. It wasn't long before you started wondering if you were making any difference at all. Every hunter Sam knew struggled with that and that thing affected their whole life. Hunting became their obsession to the point they couldn't feel anything outside of the hunt. Even during the hunt, the sense of accomplishment, the pleasure at saving lives, got lost when started thinking like that. After that, hunting was more of a mechanical thing. You hunted because you had to and that was all you could do. Such people would never enjoy a moment's peace and tranquility in their lives. Bobby was one such hunter. So was Samuel and their Dad. Sam hadn't seen this before because Dean had never let him. Dean had never let him lose sight of what they were fighting for, he'd never let Sam think that what they were doing didn't matter in the grand scheme of things. It might be a simple brotherly gesture like going out for a few beers or a few kind words or even distractions provided by his crazy antics, they all served to relieve Sam from the tension of hunting, the same way they had done for their father before him. Even when Sam had been buried knee-deep in this life, Dean had protected him from it. But now Dean wasn't here anymore and the job had started to get to him.

Though it seemed like it had gotten to Adam first. He had become an excellent hunter, a little too good a little too soon, in Sam's opinion. But after their first failure, Adam hadn't let moral dilemmas of what they were doing bother him as much. He had seemed a little too comfortable with this life. Actually he seemed to be hiding under the cloak that what they were doing was for a good cause and that excused almost anything. That wasn't a good thing for a hunter. Sam knew from personal experience which way that road led. But their father didn't care. In fact John had never cared about what they had to do as long as they accomplished the hunt. And the Campbells seem to foster his attitude.

Sam had no idea how bad things had gotten until a witch-hunt. Sam had suggested that Adam be taken off the case. After all, the kid was still to kill his first human. And taking a human life weighed on you. But Adam had insisted and in the end Sam had let come with him. The witches had turned out to be more powerful that he'd suspected. They had gotten two of the coven before the others had hit them with spells, incapacitating both of them. That's when Adam had taken out a crystal and chanted a spell of his own. A spell that had the effect of immediately killing all the remaining witches and healing Adam's wounds in return. A spell that was obviously black magic.

"Where the hell did you get this thing?" Sam shouted, shaking the crystal in Adam's face once they were back in the motel room.

"Give it back. It's mine." Adam yelled, making an unsuccessful attempt at snatching it back. "Samuel gave it to me, okay?"

"And what about black magic? My God, Adam, did you make a Deal?"

"No, I'd never do that. The crystal was the source of the power." Adam replied. "Look, that crystal is a source of magical power and I learned the spells from one of Bobby's books. I've been learning quite a few of them and I'm getting good at it."

"Adam, it's called black magic for a reason." Sam said. "That kind of thing is addictive. That power itself can corrupt you."

"I'm not an idiot, okay?" Adam shouted back. "Samuel told me all about that crystal. How many hunters had used it before and how they'd been corrupted by it. I know the risks. Samuel said that I was one of the best hunters he'd ever seen and that I could handle it. He'd have given it to you but he said that you were dead set against such things. That's the only reason I didn't tell you."

Sam slumped back into the chair in defeat. He had no idea that it had gotten this bad.

"And Dad is okay with it too." Adam added. "He knows about the crystal and he doesn't care. Samuel said that I was smart enough to know which lines not to cross and that was why he trusted me with it. Above Christian and Gwen or any others."

"Jesus, Adam. You have already crossed the line and you don't know it." Sam said. "You crossed the line the moment you started thinking that it was all okay as long as you were using it for good purposes. It doesn't work like that. These things have a way of biting you in the ass."

"You are so full of crap, you know that." Adam replied. "You keep telling me about the difference between hunters and monsters, like there is some invisible line separating us. But as far as I know, I haven't killed nay innocent people."

"You already did." Sam shouted. "That little spell you did back there, it killed everyone in the house except for the two of us."

"They were witches - ."

"I'm not talking about them. There were captives being held in the basement, did you know that?" Sam yelled. "Two kids and your spell took them out as well."

Adam sat shocked for a moment. He had never considered the possibility of collateral damage with his spell.

"Well, they were casualties, right?" Adam said slowly.

"Dammit, Adam, there is no such thing as acceptable casualties." Sam replied. "If any other hunters got the wind of this, they'd come after you. Jesus, if Dean was here - "

"Dean? Is that all you think about?" That seemed to snap Adam right back to anger. "Are you telling me that he has never made mistakes?"

"Oh he has made plenty of mistakes." Sam replied. "But not like this."

"You know what, I'm sick of this." Adam said. "You keep saying that it is easy for a hunter to lose himself, but you haven't told me about a single one who has."

"Well, then let me tell you." Sam replied. "I did. That's right. Me. I wanted to kill Lillith and I got addicted to demon blood because it boosted my psychic powers. Dean did everything to get me to stop, begged me even and I didn't. And it turned out that that was what the bad guys wanted all along. I opened the cage to Lucifer. I let him out and started the apocalypse. That good enough for you?"

"No, it isn't." Adam replied. "That sort of thing doesn't happen without demonic manipulation and if you were stupid enough to be manipulated, that doesn't mean I'll be. You got any more?"

"Lots, in fact." Sam said. "There was a hunter called Gordon. He'd go after all vampires, even the peaceful vegetarian ones that weren't hurting anybody. He came after me and got turned into a vampire as a result. Then we had to kill him. There was an old friend of Dad's who was going to kill an innocent woman just because she happened to be pregnant with a Rugaru. Samuel worked for a demon for a year and sold us out to him. He'd have gotten us killed. And don't even get me started on Dad and Bobby."

"What about Bobby?" Adam asked.

"Adam, why do you think Bobby doesn't hunt anymore?"

"He's old, isn't he? I mean he's smart enough to know when he's past his prime."

"Bobby might be many things but past his prime isn't one of them." Sam explained. "He used to quite the hunter back in his day and he, like you, got into black magic. And it got bad, to the point that he couldn't see a creature without letting lose a spell. He was this close to selling his soul for power. He'd even summoned a demon to do that, only she didn't offer him enough power. But Dean pulled him back. I don't know what he said or how he convinced him, but he made Bobby see what he was doing. I happen to know that Bobby got a lot of people killed and he's still carrying it around with him. He's not retired because he's old, he has retired because he's too afraid of falling into that trap again."

"I never knew that." Adam said softly.

"There is a lot you still have to learn." Sam said. "But you can't learn them from your mistakes. Because once you make them, you'll have to live with them the rest of your life. You get that?"

"Yeah, got it." Adam replied, contritely. "I'm sorry, I didn't realize how bad it could get."

Sam nodded and then, looking back at the crystal, he smashed it to pieces on the floor. Adam didn't even flinch at the sound, giving Sam some confidence in his brother's repentance. It was his turn now, he thought. Dean had tried to protect him from himself all these years and now it was his responsibility to do the same with Adam.

Tension hung thick in the air in the aftermath of their fight. Tension that was cut sharply by the sound of the phone ringing, seemingly too loud in the quiet. Adam was still looking guiltily at his feet, so Sam went ahead and answered the phone.

"Hey, Bobby." Sam said into the cell. "Listen, this isn't really a good time. Can I call you back later?"

"Well, you better make it a good time boy." Bobby shouted from the other end. "Better yet, get your ass back here as soon as you can."

"What's the matter?" Sam asked, suddenly worried. "What happened?"

"Your brother happened, that's what."

Dean. Oh God. There was finally some news on him.

"Is Dean okay?" Sam said. Adam looked up from his shoes, now interested in the conversation.

"No, he ain't." Bobby replied. "That idjit has gone and got himself arrested. Get back here, pronto."

* * *

Chapter three completed. Hopefully this was a bit better than the last two. Stay tuned for more. And keep reviewing.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer:** I used to own supernatural, the boys, the Impala and everything else on the show. But then, the men in white gave me my meds and I had to take them.

**Summary**: He had ignored his brother for far too long, Sam realized. He had ignored the symptoms, choosing instead to make amends to others. He had though that Dean would be alright. He always is after all. But not anymore. Now he was going to save his brother. He just hoped that it wasn't already too late.

* * *

**Chapter 4.**

"What are we doing here again?"

Sam sighed. Adam had been against this plan from the get-go, questioning every move. To be fair, the plan was a little crazy, one of their desperate last resort moves, but they didn't have a choice.

"We are rescuing Dean." Sam replied.

"Yeah, but from the courtroom? With cops everywhere?" Adam asked. "We have no chance of making it out of here."

"We have made it out from worse situations." Sam said.

Three days ago, they had received the news of Dean's incarceration. Bobby had gotten it from Sheriff Jodie Mills, who, in turn had received it from an FBI agent investing any and all of Dean's connections. Apparently there was some record of Bobby Singer being involved with the Winchester name and FBI had asked the Sheriff to follow the lead. But beyond that, she knew nothing. Apparently Dean was such a huge flight risk, probably due to his last few times in a jail cell, that the news of his arrest was being kept as quiet as possible. As hard as she tried, the Sheriff couldn't find out where Dean was being held. The authorities had concluded that Dean and his associates were responsible for the blast that killed agent Hendrickson and his team and they weren't risking a repeat performance. By a stroke of luck, one of Bobby's contacts in the legal system had found out where Dean's trial was being held.

"You are insane, you know that?" Christian said after hearing that Sam intended to break Dean out of the prison. "The only reason we haven't been arrested yet is because we are smart enough to stay as far away from the cops as possible. If Dean was dumb enough to get arrested, well, that's no reason for him to take us down with us."

"We won't go down." Sam replied. "We have successfully evaded authorities before."

"Look, I have to agree with Christian here." Adam said. "If we break Dean out, we'll have the entire law-enforcement after us. We are talking nationwide manhunt. It isn't like before when they just assumed that you are dead. Besides, how do you know that Dean even wants to be rescued?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Bobby's contact told us that Dean was arrested a few months ago." Adam explained. "Now, I'm no lawyer, but I know that you get atleast one call. Dean didn't call us."

"He must be trying to protect us." Sam replied. "Maybe the feds thinks that I'm still dead and Dean wants them to keep thinking that. That's why he didn't get us involved."

"Even so, he could have asked Castiel to rescue him." Adam countered.

"Look, I don't know why he didn't do any of those things, okay? I don't know how he let himself get arrested." Sam said. "All I know is that the cops have him and we are going to get him. And it's not like we are running a very big risk here. We only need to find out where he's being held. Then Cas can zap him out of there."

"And you think that the cops are just gonna say – 'bummer, he got away'? They'll launch a manhunt for him." Christian argued. "Anyway you cut it, you rescue him and you are gonna be running for the rest of your life."

"We are not leaving Dean to rot in prison." Sam said with finality.

"Why not? He left you to rot with your memories. He left Adam to rot in hell. He didn't care what happened to you guys; maybe you should give him the same courtesy."

Sam glared at his cousin, but he had to concede the point. Dean had left them, knowing full well that what Sam would be suffering would be far worse than any jail. Maybe that's why he hadn't called them, feeling he needed to suffer for abandoning his brother. But Sam wasn't going to let that happen. Besides, they needed Dean with them.

"Well, I guess we have to better than him, in that case." Sam replied.

That was the argument Sam stuck with. Every time someone objected to the whole plan, he told them that they couldn't leave Dean behind, even when Dean had chosen to do the same thing. Because Dean would have done the same for them.

* * *

"All rise. Honorable Judge Marsha Brown presiding." The bailiff called out as the court began its session. Sam looked around confused. Something wasn't right with the scenario.

As the court settled down, the judge, a plump, short African-American woman, who reminded Sam a little of Missouri, began the proceedings.

"You have a motion for me counselor." The judge said, looking over at the defense table.

"Yes your honor." The attorney, a man clearly jaded from his long years at the public defender's office, replied. "We would respectfully submit that Mr. Winchester - "

"I know what the motion is about. I can read as well as you." The Judge interrupted testily, shaking the affidavit in front of her. "I have your motion here. And the prosecution is opposed to it, I suppose?"

"Yes, your honor." The female prosecutor replied.

"Alright, let's get this over with quickly." Judge Brown said. "Both of you, get up here."

"That's weird." Sam said under his breath as the two lawyers went up to the Judge's table.

"What is?" Adam asked.

"This whole situation doesn't make sense." Sam explained. "I mean, this is obviously a pre-trial motion and it's not necessary for Dean to be here for those, but it's usual."

"Well, he's a flight risk, isn't he?" Adam argued.

"Yeah, but I have been looking through these." Sam replied, taking out a sheaf of papers. "These are the court records related to Dean's case. I haven't been able to see all the details, but according to this, Dean hasn't even been arraigned yet. I thought this would be his arraignment. In which case, he'll have to be here."

"How did you even get those?"

"Court transcripts as a matter of public records." Sam replied. "If all this is true, Dean has been in prison for months without even being arraigned. And that can't be right."

"Maybe they think he's a terrorist." Adam suggested. "Like one of those Guantanamo guys."

"Then they wouldn't be trying him at all." Sam answered. "And that's another thing. Dean is a wanted criminal. His arrest should've gotten a lot of media attention. If they successfully prosecute him, it would be a very big feather in the prosecutors cap. It makes no sense to keep it quiet. I can understand them keeping mum about the arrest, but the trial itself should be a different story. There should be more people around."

Adam looked around the court-room. Sam was right. Apart from them, the lawyers, the judge and the bailiff, the room might as well have been empty. There were just three suits, clearly FBI agents, sitting behind the prosecution. Another old, balding man with glasses and a woman in her thirties. No real media was actually present, just them pretending to be part of one. In fact, this was pretty bad. Sam had counted on the crowd in the courtroom to cover them, in case any of the agents recognized him. So far, none of them had given them anything beyond a cursory glance, but Adam was worried that if they looked closer, especially when Sam was standing, they would recognize him.

"That man is a monster and you are asking the court to give him a free pass." The prosecutor shouted. Adam and Sam had been so busy discussing the situation amongst themselves, they hadn't paid any attention to the argument going on in the front. The prosecuting attorney, a well-dressed, middle-aged woman, who looked like she'd be running for Senator any day now, was arguing loudly.

"Calm down there missy." The Judge reprimanded. "That would be my call. Mrs. Bowen, I gather that you have submitted this petition."

"Yes your honor." The woman in her thirties, got up nervously.

"And what is your relation to this Dean Winchester?"

"I'm the Social Worker assigned to his case." Mrs. Bowen replied.

Social Worker? Sam was not thoroughly confused.

"And Dr Herrick, you recommend this course of action?"

"Yes, Ma'am." The old man replied, getting up.

"Alright, get your ass in the witness chair. I want to hear all about this one." Judge Brown ruled.

The whole thing was making less and less sense by the minute. If a doctor was being called for giving testimony, then this should have been a trial. So where the hell was the jury?

"Dr Herrick, can you state your qualifications for the court please?" The Defense attorney asked as the man was sworn in and took the stand.

"Yes. I'm Dr Herrick from the Massachusetts Mental Health Institution. I have been Mr Winchester's attending Psychiatrist." Herrick replied.

"And how long has that been?"

"Well, ever since Mr. Winchester was brought in, I guess. I was appointed by the court." Herrick answered. "Mr. Winchester has been under my care ever since."

Sam shot Adam a confused glance. If they were bringing in a shrink, the defense must be arguing insanity. To be fair, if Dean had told them his life story, that wouldn't be much of a stretch.

"And can you explain to the court what have you learned about his condition?" The Lawyer continued.

"Well, it is my understanding that Mr. Winchester was brought into Massachusetts General Hospital after someone found him wandering in the street. The police ran his fingerprints which led to the discovery of his identity. The Federal Bureau took him under his custody after that and that's when I was called in to evaluate him."

"And what was your evaluation?"

"Well, we have to keep in mind that I know nothing of the patient's medical history, so I cannot be certain of the diagnosis." The doctor replied. "But in my opinion, Mr. Winchester is suffering from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder."

"Can you elaborate, please?"

"Ever since his admission, Mr. Winchester has been in a catatonic state." Herrick answered. "He doesn't speak, doesn't react to anything going on around him, doesn't move unless he's moved. He gets his nutrition via IV's and feeding tubes. He isn't even capable of performing the basic bodily functions."

"And you concluded this is PTSD because - ?"

"We ran a multitude of tests to determine the cause." The doctor replied. "We determined that there wasn't anything physiologically wrong with him."

"Are you suggesting that he is faking it?" The judge interrupted with a question of her own.

"No, most definitely not your honor. I'm saying that the cause of his state is psychological in origin. This I'm sure of." Herrick explained. "Depression might have been another cause for this, but none of the anti-depressants we've given him so far have worked. I believe that something so traumatic happened to him that it has made him shut himself up from the outside world. It's kind of his brain's natural defense mechanism."

"Doctor, I'm just gonna throw it out there." The defense attorney said. "Is it possible that Dean Winchester was clinically insane when he committed all of his alleged crimes, and then gained moment of sanity and in that moment of sanity, he was so horrified by his actions that he went into a catatonic state?"

"Objection." The prosecution jumped up. "Counsel is trying to sneak in insanity defense. There is no basis for that allegation."

"Well, then, it's a good thing this isn't a criminal trial." The judge replied snidely. "Overruled."

"Well, like I said, I don't know the patient's medical history, so it would be impossible to make a judgment on that." The doctor replied. "But I guess it's possible."

"Get to the point quickly, counselor." The judge told the defense. "I would like to get it over before lunch."

"Yes, judge. Doctor, you said that the patient has not responded to any medication whatsoever?"

"Yes, we have been treating him with a cocktail of barbiturates which have proven effective with catatonic patients. They haven't induced the slightest change in him." The doctor explained. "Hence, I have no choice other than recommending Electro-Convulsive Therapy."

"Electroshock Therapy? Isn't that a little extreme?"

"I believe that we are out of options. And since the patient has no caretaker to give consent, we need a court order."

"What about the side-effects of the therapy?"

"Well, there could be many negative side-effects. In fact, it could very well make the situation worse." Doctor replied. "One thing is certain, the therapy would make it near impossible to ascertain his mental status prior to the break-down. That would mean that we wouldn't be able to rule out insanity as the cause of his alleged crimes, probably never able to try him for those either. Maybe that's why prosecution is so desperate to avoid it."

"Objection." The prosecutor was outraged.

"Alright, alright. Let's play nice." Judge Brown said. "Anything else?"

"One last question." Defense replied. "Doctor, this man is accused of committing heinous crimes. Putting the moral implications aside, is there any harm in letting him stay catatonic? I mean, he can't hurt anyone while he's in the hospital and it's not like he's suffering or anything."

"But he is suffering. He may be comfortable physically, but mentally he is going through a great deal of pain."

"And how did you come to that conclusion?"

"Well, like I said before, we had to run a multitude of tests to make the determination that there was nothing wrong with him." The doctor explained. "One of the tests was a pain stimulus test. Basically, we induce increasing degree of pain in the patient and see if he responds. During one of the tests, one of our Attendings went a little overboard."

"Come again?"

"You have to understand this first. At that time, we were under tremendous pressure from the Federal Bureau to make the finding that Dean Winchester was faking it. In fact, the initial directive was that he was faking insanity and we had to prove it by any means possible. One of the attending had heard of his alleged crimes and was, well, over-enthusiastic."

"Care to elaborate of that, doctor?"

"Standard tests include things that would cause pain, but no permanent injury. Like sticking one's hand in ice or handing the patient electrified objects, while steadily increasing the current. Sometimes we administer drugs that cause severe muscle cramps." Herrick explained. "Dean Winchester never responded to any of those. The attending I'm talking about, he went well beyond the allowed limit. Basically he induced pain to the level that would cause a normal person to pass out. And when that got no response, he increased it further."

"Hold on a minute." The judge said. "Doctor, are you telling me that you have been torturing this poor man?"

"Well, I don't think that was the intention, but the doctor ended up doing exactly that." Herrick replied. "That was the only time we got any response out of him."

"You mean he started talking again?"

"More like screaming his head off. That was when I became aware of what was going on. Dean Winchester kept screaming for a long time, even after the stimulus was removed. We were hoping that once he calmed down, he'd be able to be lucid. But finally, we had to sedate him. When he woke up, he was the same as before." The doctor explained. "That's why I said that he is in a great deal of psychological pain. That's why I think that ECT is indicated in this case."

"Thank you doctor." Defense attorney finished and turned to the prosecutor. "All yours."

Sam had been listening to the testimony with growing horror. At first, he thought that it was all a case of mistaken identity. That someone else had been captured in his brother's name. Because Dean wasn't crazy. He didn't have PTSD. Dean had survived hell and he's been fine after that. But it all made sense now. The months of radio silence from Dean. Him not calling them for help after he got arrested. Him not coming back after the many-many messages Sam had left. Him not showing up for the birth of his son. Dean hadn't come back, because he couldn't. He had been shut in an asylum, out of his mind. And these people had tortured him. How could he let that happen to his brother?

Sam had had enough of this legal charade. He moved as the prosecutor got up to question the witness, ignoring the dumbfounded look on Adam's face. Before anyone in the courtroom could react, Sam pulled out the gun he had snuck in with him and grabbed the prosecutor. Holding her in front of him like a shield, Sam backed away, keeping a steady gun to her forehead. The others finally caught up, taking out guns of their own and pointing then towards him.

"What the hell are you doing?" The Judge shouted, getting up. She looked half-terrified, holding up her hands and half indignant at having the decorum of her court room ruined.

"Where are you keeping him?" Sam shouted at the doctor, ignoring everyone else. "Where are you keeping Dean? Tell me now or I shoot her."

"Oh my God. You are Sam Winchester." One of the agents said, finally having recognized him. "This man is Dean's brother who we thought died with him. Put down the gun. You are not getting out of this one."

"Where is he?" Sam shouted, completely ignoring the demand.

"He's at Colorado Mental Hospital." The doctor replied shakily.

"Put down the gun Sam. Don't think we won't shoot you just because you have a hostage." One of the agents said. "Your brother is hundreds of miles away and you won't make it out of this court alive if you don't put the gun down. Right now."

Sam looked around the room. The bailiff was missing, no doubt having run away to call for help. The agent was right. Even if he did make it out of here, Dean was miles away. And now that they knew he was alive, they'd be watching his brother like hawks. They had to get Dean and they had to get him fast.

"Cas. Get down here right now." Sam shouted. "C'mon, Castiel. Don't let me down now."

Sam had backed off towards the wall and noticed that slowly but surely, the agents were blocking off the exits. A little worriedly, one of them looked behind at the door, expecting Sam's cavalry to arrive. There was a sudden rush of air and Castiel appeared in the middle of the room, surprising everyone. In shock, one of the agents let off a shot, getting Castiel in the middle of his chest.

"You sound desperate." Castiel said, completely ignoring the large bloodstain on his front.

"Dean's held at Colorado mental hospital. We have to get him." Sam replied. "Take us there, right now."

Castiel gave a small nod in reply. Sam's vision went white for a moment and the next he was standing in a white corridor lined with locked metal doors. Sam looked around, surprised that he still had the prosecutor as a hostage. Apparently, Castiel had taken his command to get them all there literally. Along with Adam and himself, the whole courtroom was standing in the corridor.

"Just me and Adam, Cas." Sam shouted. Castiel ignored him completely, instead going from door to door in the corridor. Finally he stopped in front of one of them.

"Dean's in here." Castiel said. He tried to open the door, but finding it locked, chose to rip it off its hinges. Sam threw the hostage aside and rushed forward, dimly noting that Adam was right behind him. Thankfully, all the others were a bit too stunned by the sudden change in venue to react at all. Going inside the room, Sam saw Dean, tied up in a straitjacket and looking much thinner than the last time. So much so that for a moment Sam couldn't recognize his own brother.

"Dean. Hey, Dean. You okay man?" Sam shouted, kneeling before his brother. The doctor knew what he had been talking about. Dean didn't respond at all. Not even a flicker of recognition in his eyes and he was looking straight at Sam. But this wasn't the time for that.

"Cas, get us out of here." Sam commanded. "Just the three of us this time."

The rest of the people from the court finally came to their senses, rushing to the room, only to see the Winchesters and their friend disappear into thin air. All of them shared similar lost looks.

"Where the hell are we?" The Judge asked no one in particular.

"We're at my hospital." The doctor replied. "I don't understand. How did we get here? We were hundreds of miles away a few seconds ago."

"This has got to be a trick." The prosecutor said. "The Winchesters are good at that."

"We traveled hundreds of miles in a second." The Judge said harshly. "How is that a trick? Does anyone have any sensible explanation for this?"

One of the agents cleared his throat.

"In one of his reports, Hendrickson said that the Winchesters claimed to be hunters. Hunting things like ghosts and demons. We just dismissed all that as them laying the groundwork for insanity."

"Castiel is an angel." The social worker said softly. "I remember reading that name in bible once."

"Angels? Demons? Are all of you insane?" The prosecutor shouted.

"Well, missy, you got a better explanation for all this?" The judge said testily. "Look, I don't know what is going on any more than you do. But I suggest, before we start a manhunt for Dean Winchester, we better get some things straightened out."

* * *

Everyone in the room sat quietly, watching, as Castiel put his hand on Dean's chest. He closed his eyes, face screwed up in concentration and after a while he removed his hand with a weary sigh.

"Well? What's wrong with him?" Sam asked impatiently.

"I don't know." Castiel replied. "I can't get a read on him."

"Is his soul missing?" Adam asked.

"I just said I don't know." Castiel said. "I will have to go deeper to make that determination. Should I?"

"No. That'll put him in a lot of unnecessary pain." Sam answered. "What about the thing you did with Adam? Why can't you find out if he has his soul that way?"

"It's not that simple." Castiel explained. "Every time we read a human, we need to pour our grace inside his body. That requires the human's acceptance. Dean's body is rejecting my grace."

"You mean like possession?" Bobby asked.

"Not exactly. Possession by an angel requires explicit consent. Anything else, like healing or entering dreams, requires just acceptance. Even subconscious acceptance will do." Castiel answered. "Right now Dean has completely shut me out."

Sam let out a frustrated sigh. They had gotten Dean back, finally, but this was not his brother. This wasn't the way he'd wanted it to be.

"And you are sure that you have done everything?" Sam said. "There is nothing else you can do?"

"I'm sorry."

"Jesus, Cas. Just – just try it once more. Go as deep as you can without hurting him." Sam ordered.

"And what would be the point of that?"

"Just do it, okay?" Sam replied. "We have to find out what's wrong with Dean."

Castiel nodded slowly and walked back to Dean. The hunter hadn't moved an inch ever since they had brought him back, sitting rigidly where they had put him and staring at a spot on Bobby's wall. Once again Castiel closed his eyes and put his hand on Dean, tryimg to go as deep as he could without hurting the young man.

"Like I said, Sam." Castiel said. "There is – wait. I got something."

"What - ?" Adam started.

"Sshh." Sam admonished his younger brother, letting Castiel conduct his search in peace.

"I found something." Castiel said at length, finally taking his hand off Dean. "I couldn't determine what was wrong with him but I definitely felt a connection to something."

"Like a mark on the soul?" Sam asked, remembering the brand something leaves on you when they gain the possession of your soul.

"I'm not sure. I couldn't go that deep." Castiel replied. "But I suspect whatever this thing is, it's what has caused Dean's condition."

"What is it?" Sam asked. "Can you trace it?"

Castiel didn't answer. A moment later the others were staring into an empty place where Castiel had been. Sam felt a familiar feeling of frustration at angels who disappeared mid-conversation.

Castiel appeared a moment later with a duffel bag in his hand.

"That's Dean's." Sam said, recognizing the bag.

"Yes. Whatever the thing is, I've traced it's presence back to this." Castiel said, upending the contents of the bag on the floor. He took a moment to sift through the pile before holding up an ancient, gold-like square tablet in his hand. "Here it is."

"What is that?" Sam asked, looking closely. The artifact was old, very old. It was inscribed with symbols and sigils that looked Enochian in origin. Most of the inscriptions were covered due to some crusty brown substance over the talisman. "Is that blood?"

"Yes. Dean's blood to be precise." Castiel answered. "I believe this thing is the cause of Dean's condition."

"So what is it?" Bobby asked. He had seen a lot of cursed objects in his day but none like this.

"I don't know." Castiel replied. "All I can gather is that this thing is extremely powerful. I sense more power from it than from a whole collection of heaven's weapons. This isn't your average cursed artifact."

"So, can't you break it or something?" Adam asked.

"Yes. But that might not work. We don't know how this thing has affected Dean."

"Alright." Sam said, nodding slowly. "This is a lead. We need to find out what that thing is and try to reverse its effects."

But finding out the history of the artifact wasn't easy. The three of them, Sam, Adam and Bobby, hit the books hard, but there seemed to be no reference to any artifact that could cause madness. They called up every contact they had, human and otherwise, but found nothing. Their father looked up all of his spirit world contacts and Castiel asked all the angels he could find. No one had ever heard of a cursed Enochian talisman.

"What beats me is how did Dean find this thing?" Adam said, two days later. "We looked through every possible hunt Dean could have had after leaving and none of them has any clue to it."

"That's why we should keep looking." Sam replied shortly, without looking up from his book. "And we don't know that this was a part of a hunt."

"I think that's fairly obvious." Adam argued. "Dean comes across this cursed object. Stupidly gets his blood on it to activate it and is now suffering the consequences."

"Dean would be more careful with a thing like that." Sam replied.

"All evidence to the contrary."

"Got it." Bobby shouted suddenly. "I think."

Sam and Adam rushed over to Bobby, who turned around the book he was looking through and pointed at an illustration. It was an old, sickly man, lying on a bed and by his side was what could possibly be the talisman.

"Job's Talisman." Bobby explained.

"The Job from the bible?" Adam asked. "I thought God and Satan had a bet on his soul."

"Your bible gets a lot of things wrong." Castiel said, appearing in the room. "Job was a faithful devotee, but neither God nor Satan had anything to do with his many misfortunes."

"So, is this what that thing is?" Sam asked. "It cursed Dean the same way it cursed Job?"

"Possibly." Castiel replied. He looked a little troubled. "The thing is, Job's Talisman is a well known artifact in heaven. We don't know how it works and it has eluded the angels for a long time. We do know, however, that it is more than just a cursed object. If all it could do was bring misfortune upon its holder, we would not have sought it so desperately."

"Wait. You are telling me that this is one of heaven's weapons?" Sam asked.

"I don't think so." Castiel replied. "But it has the power to be. More power than most of the weapons, in fact. Rumor has it that this weapon can control destiny itself."

Sam turned over all the information they had gathered in his head. This thing, Job's Talisman was a cursed object. Something that the angels sought for centuries. Somehow, it had found its way into Dean's hands and in an unbelievable moment of stupidity, his brother had gotten his blood on it, thereby cursing himself. Things had gone downhill from there onwards, with Dean getting arrested and locked up. Given that this thing was a weapon that could manipulate fate, it probably had something to do with that as well.

"So, how do we fix it?" Sam asked.

"I don't know of a way for sure." Castiel replied. "But, in the past, we have done a lot of research on this thing. One thing seems to be certain. It only takes one victim at a time."

"Meaning?" Bobby asked.

"Meaning it curses only one person at a time." Castiel replied. "Legend has it that Job's fortunes turned after he lost this talisman. It probably affects the person whose blood is on it."

"But Dean's blood is not on that thing anymore." Adam said. "We washed it off."

"That wouldn't matter." Castiel said. "The blood is only the catalyst in activating the curse. Once it takes hold, the only way to undo it is to turn its attention towards someone else."

Sam's eyes widened as he realized what Castiel was suggesting. Someone else had to take on the curse. Someone else had to bleed on that thing and Dean would be free. Probably that's what Dean had done in the first place. His brother had always been a martyr. He'd probably taken on the curse deliberately to free someone else. That idiot.

"I'll do it." Sam said.

"Whoa, whoa, slow down a minute." Adam objected. "What are you talking about?"

"I said I'll take Dean's place." Sam explained. "I'll put my blood on it and the curse would turn to me and Dean would be alright."

"Are you crazy?" Adam shouted. "Why not just destroy the thing?"

"That wouldn't fix Dean." Castiel replied. "If we destroy it, the curse on Dean would become permanent. But Sam, are you sure about this?"

"No he ain't." Bobby interjected. "Sam, think about what you are saying here. You would probably go insane. And there is no telling that this would work. Besides, Dean wouldn't want to be brought back like this."

"And when have I ever done what Dean wanted?" Sam said ruefully.

"Bobby's right. Let's not make any rash decisions here." Adam said. "Sam, I get that you want to save Dean, but this isn't worth it."

"There is another possibility." Castiel said. "If we see this thing in action, maybe I can figure out a way to break the curse. But I have to see how this works. Which means that Sam would have to take on the curse."

"Sam. No." Adam said. "Think about this, okay? You are talking about taking on a curse that would destroy you. You don't have to be stupid like Dean."

"Are you guys listening to yourselves?" Sam shouted. "We are talking about saving Dean and you all are against it? This is nothing different than what I did by remembering hell and that would have destroyed me. You guys didn't try to stop me then."

"That was different, boy." Bobby replied. "The fate of the world was at stake then."

"And right now Dean's fate is at stake." Sam said. "I am doing this. And you guys are either with me or against me."

Adam and Bobby threw up their hands in defeat in face of Sam's adamancy. One thing Bobby had learned in his years was that there was no arguing with a determined Winchester. The artifact was brought out and Sam took a deep breath in face of his imminent doom. There would be no waiting this time around, no last days or having your family around you. every moment delayed meant a moment more for Dean in pain and he wasn't going to let that happen.

"Here goes." Sam said, cutting his hand open and letting the blood drip onto the object.

Everyone waited with bated breath as moments passed, but nothing seemed to be happening. They shot confused glances at each-other. Maybe the effects of this curse weren't immediate.

"Well, what do we have here?" A soft female voice said, making all of them jump up in surprise.

The four of them turned around to see a young brunette in her twenties, standing in the room with them. She wasn't human, Sam deduced immediately. There was some sort of glow about her that betrayed her divinity. Besides, her feet were an inch off the ground.

"Who are you?" Sam asked, taking out his gun and pointing it at her. It wouldn't do much damage, Sam knew that, but he hoped that it would do some damage if it came to a fight. Things appearing suddenly in the room, especially as they were about to do something catastrophic, was definitely not a good sign.

"Why do you people insist on asking such inane questions?" She answered. She raised her hand and pointed a finger at the talisman in Sam's hand. "You are holding me."

* * *

Sam felt as if a whole lot of information was being forced into his head. There weren't any words or pictures to describe it, just raw data. A moment later he knew all he should know about the thing in his hand. Magically, the spirit had told him centuries' worth of its history in a space of few seconds.

"You are not a cursed item." Sam said. He didn't know how he knew that or why he was sure that it was the truth.

"No, I'm not." The spirit replied.

"You are a weapon of luck. Like the rabbit's foot." Sam continued. Looking around, he saw that none of the other occupants of the room looked confused or surprised. That meant they had been the recipient of the same information. "You can't actually create anything but you can make sure things happen the way you decide. You can alter the course of destiny."

"Is there really any point in repeating what I have just told you?" The girl asked.

"So what the hell did you do to my son?"

John Winchester had appeared in the room. One look at him and Sam knew that he was up to speed as well. This was the way this thing worked, he guessed. It could dispense information at will.

"Dean?" She – it replied. "I didn't do anything to him. Nothing he didn't ask for."

"Don't screw with me." John shouted. "This is what you do, isn't it? Bring misfortune on people? Like you did with Job?"

"I just do what people ask me to do." It replied. "Job asked me to make sure that he went down in history as the man with unshakeable faith in God. I couldn't exactly do that without putting him through hell. I can only give you what you want."

"And what did you want from Dean?" Sam asked. "What's your agenda?"

The spirit sighed. In spite of the knowledge it had just imparted, the humans were slow to catch-up.

"Want. Need. Like. These words are of no relevance to me." It explained. "Would you say that your gun likes to shoot people. Or your computer wants to do research. Or your knife likes to stab. You can't apply those concepts to things. Hence you can't apply them to me. Whatever happened to Dean, he asked for it."

"Asked for it?" Sam said, outraged. "You are telling me that Dean wanted to turn insane?"

"I guess not. But he knew the price and he was willing to pay it." It replied.

"A price for what?" Sam shouted. "You know what, it doesn't matter. Fix him, right now."

"I'm sorry. All transactions are final." The spirit replied. "No take-backs."

Sam was losing his temper and he was losing it fast.

"Stop playing mind-games and tell us what you did to Dean." He shouted.

"I'll do you one better. I'll show you."

The room shifted and changed around them. They were now standing in a different place altogether. A room that Sam recognized as a part of Crowley's prison. The place he'd kept all those creatures captive. The door to the room opened and Dean came in.

"Dean?" Sam said, moving forward.

"H can't hear you Sam." Castiel interrupted. "This is a memory."

And so it was. Sam's hands passed intangibly through his brother. The rest of them were similarly affected and Dean seemed totally oblivious to their presence. He had broken open Crowley's safe and was rummaging through its contents.

"There you are." Dean said, holding up his prize. It was the talisman. "I've been looking for you."

"Dean, no." Sam shouted, forgetting that Dean couldn't hear him. "When is this?"

"Two days after you killed Crowley." The spirit replied, appearing beside them. "Crowley had me in his possession for some time and then Dean found me."

"How did Dean find out about you?" Sam asked, surprised.

"Let's find out." It replied, turning towards Dean. "How did you find me?"

Dean jumped up at the voice and turned around. He had already sliced open his palm and was now holding the talisman in a bloody hand.

"So you're the genie, huh?" Dean said. "I was really expecting a lamp or a bottle."

"That is just one of my names." The spirit replied. "And just one of my many forms. Not many humans know about me, much less how to talk to me. Even Crowley didn't know how to work me."

"Yeah, I like to do my research before I get into anything." Dean said. "So, rumor has it that you can fulfill any wish."

"I can't directly give it to you, no. But I can make sure that it happens." It told Dean. "And there will be a price."

"No one said anything about the price." Dean said.

"Dean, haven't you learned that by now. Nothing in this life is free." It replied. "You want your brother's soul back, then you have to suffer the consequences."

"I should have known that all this was too good to be true." Dean said. "Alright, what do you want?"

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me." Dean continued. "Name your price? My soul? My life?"

"And what will I do with that?" The spirit said. "I'm afraid you don't understand, Dean. I'm not a demon. I have no hidden agenda and I won't ask you to enter any contract with me blind. I'll make sure that you get what you asked for and tell you the consequences. If you don't want to deal after hearing the whole thing, no harm, no foul."

"Yeah, I've heard those lines before." Dean replied. "I'm sorry, but every time I make a deal with something like you, I end up regretting it."

"Oh, but you will regret it." It said. "I can tell you that much right now. There is going to be a great amount of suffering ahead of you, whether you make the deal or not."

"What suffering?"

"Your brother is going to remain soulless for a long, long time. And that's just the tip of the iceberg. His soul and your younger brother Adam are suffering in hell. You already know that Castiel is losing the war. Once Raphael gets in power, he'll do everything to release Lucifer and Michael and he will succeed. There is a lot of pain ahead of you either way. But I can make sure that you are the only one who suffers."

"Why do I have to suffer?" Dean asked.

"That's one of the rules, Dean." It replied. "That is how I work. My wielder can use me to manipulate fate, but never to his advantage. That is my only directive. I have to make what you asked for happen and I have to make sure that you suffer for it."

"So you are saying I have to throw my life away for one wish?"

"One wish? Who said anything about just one?" The spirit said. "Sit down Dean. Let me explain in detail what I can do for you and to you."

Dean considered the words for a moment and then quietly took a seat.

"Now, let's start with the basics." The spirit explained. "First of all, I can make sure that Sam and Adam get out of hell. But the torture they have undergone down there will haunt them for-ever and you don't want that. So I'll direct you to another little artifact in Crowley's collection. He used it sometimes to torture some of his captives, but he never knew what it really did. That was why he always ended up killing them with it."

"What is it?"

"Well, it's a little thing that can heal souls at the expense of others. Basically, it will allow you to take on all the damage done to Sam and Adam in hell, onto yourself. Sam and Adam would have all their memories, but they won't have any emotions associated with those. All that damage will go to you. Hence you will suffer and my job will be done."

"And what if I find another way to heal Sam?"

"Well, as long as Sam is supposed to be healthy, you will be healthy. When Sam is supposed to be damaged, you will be damaged instead." It explained. "But these are just the starters. I can also make sure that Castiel gets control of heaven. I'll make sure that he finds a way to kill Raphael."

"That's nice of you."

"I'm not done yet." It replied. "There are a few more things. I can make sure that your father gets a second chance with you boys."

"My Dad?" Dean asked. "He's dead."

"And his dying wish was to be with you boys once more." It continued. "I can give him that. A chance to make amends. Furthermore, I can make sure that your friend Bobby walks again."

"What the hell are you playing at?" Dean shouted, getting up. "Bobby can walk."

"And why do you think that is?" It replied. "Because Crowley did it out of the goodness of his heart? I put the thought in Crowley's head that Bobby would be more useful walking and that's why he did it."

"You mean you already healed him?" Dean asked, confused. "Why? We haven't made the deal yet."

"You humans. You are so constrained by the linearity of time. Cause must precede effect and all that crap." It said. "Luckily, I'm not. So if we make this deal, I'll go back in time and make sure that Crowley does what he's supposed to do."

"And if we don't?"

"Then Bobby never walked and no one will know any different." It replied. "Not even you."

Dean breathed hard, considering his options. This girl was literally offering him everything. But like she said, nothing in the world was free.

"Sorry, thanks, but no thanks." Dean said finally. "In my experience, these things end badly and not just for me. How do I know that this isn't some elaborate plan to bring about the end of the world?"

"Because that plan is already in motion." It replied. "That is my last point, Dean. I will make sure that all those threats are eliminated permanently. I'll make sure that Michael, Lucifer, angels and demons, none of them can destroy this world, now or in future. I'll make sure that your world remains safe from them and I'll make sure that they don't hurt anyone from your precious family."

"You mean, everybody gets to go scot-free?"

"Everybody, except you." It replied. "There has to be a sacrifice, Dean and you won't survive by the end. But I'll make sure that everyone else does."

"And how do I know that you aren't lying?" Dean asked.

"Because I have no reason to lie." It replied. "If some demon was making a deal with me, I'd make sure that the exact opposite of all this happens, at his expense, ofcourse. I have no will of my own, just that of the one who holds me. And I can accomplish only one will at a time. I don't have to explain the reason of why you should believe me. You already know that."

Dean considered the whole proposition before him. If this worked, it would be the best deal he'd ever made. This thing would fix everything. It would keep the world safe and all it would cost is his one measly life. What would Dad say? What would Sam say or Castiel? He didn't even have to think that hard about that. His life and happiness was no match against the fate of the whole world. Besides, didn't she say that he was going to be miserable no matter what? And he didn't know why, but he trusted her.

"Alright." Dean said, finally. "We have a deal."

"Okay then." It answered. "It will be done."

"Will be?" Dean asked, surprised.

"It's fate Dean, not magic. I have to get my dominoes in place." It relied. "First things first. You'll find that soul thing inside Crowley's safe. When the time comes, you'll know how to use it. After you get that, you should get Death's ring and offer it back to him in exchange of Sam's soul."

"Bargain with Death? That's crazy." Dean said. "He'll never go for it. And what makes you think he won't just take the ring and kill me?"

"He won't. I'll make sure of that." The spirit replied. "Just go and do what I just told you. Everything else will naturally fall in place."

Sam wasn't able to see what Dean said after that as the room shimmered again and they were back in Bobby's house. None of them had said a word during the whole thing, so horrified were they from the revelation. Dean hadn't become like this overnight and it was not any curse. Dean had set it all up even before Sam got his soul back.

"This is a trick." Castiel said. "It's a lie. It's not true, it can't be."

"Who are you trying to convince, angel?" The spirit asked. "Didn't you think that it was strange that two arch-angels just happened to be talking about how to kill arch-angels within Sam's earshot? That was because Dean threw a wrench in my plans when he convinced death to put up a wall in Sam's soul. That wall wasn't protecting Sam from damage, it was protecting Dean. I had to find a way to bring it down."

"You are lying." Adam shouted. "Dean didn't do anything. Raphael brought me back. We killed Raphael. We were the ones who accomplished all that."

"Such hubris." It said. "How do you think all this came to be? I made sure that Raphael found the summoning spell, knowing that he'd try to use your blood and get you back instead. I made sure that when you were having your little showdown with the angel, no one else interrupted. A gave Death an iron-clad reason to get Sam back. And John, don't you think that it's odd that you conveniently forgot to undo the binding spell on that bracelet? It's the simple truth. Dean made the wish and I made sure he got it."

"You used us." Sam said in a horrified voice. "You manipulated us into abandoning Dean."

"No, Sam. I can't manipulate people like that." The spirit replied. "All I can do is give you the information. The choices you make based on that are your own. The only person I did affect was Dean."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, Dean had to pay the price, didn't he?" It explained. "And just Adam's memories weren't enough to bring him down. I took away everything else as well, his skills, his strength, his intelligence, everything. I made his – how did you put it? – a pathetic hunter. But the decision to shut him out of your lives was all yours."

She was telling the truth, Sam realized. Something had been wrong with Dean for a long time. He had been growing weaker, less efficient and they all had noticed it. And they had ignored it. They hadn't tried to figure out what was going on with his brother. Sam's mind went back to the last conversation he'd had with Dean, just before leaving. Dean had been begging him, pleading for Sam not to do this.

But why hadn't Dean told him any of this? Sam never would have gone through it all if Dean had told him the truth. But Dean couldn't because Sam had told him not to. In their last conversation Dean had begged him for a reason, for some indication which would allow him to share the burden with Sam_. Is it my job to sacrifice everything for my family? To be strong for them?_ And Sam had unequivocally laid that burden on him.

"Alright. New deal then." Sam said to the spirit. "You fix Dean right now. You make his healthy again and you do whatever you want with me."

"I'm sorry Sam. Cas told you, right, I take only one client at a time." The spirit said. "I'm not finished with Dean yet. I still have to make the world safe. Make sure that the angels and demons don't destroy it."

"But, what more can you take from Dean?" Sam shouted. "How else can you hurt him?"

"He's still breathing, isn't he?"

Dean wouldn't survive it, Sam remembered. If all his wishes were granted, Dean would be dead. He wasn't going to let that happen.

"Cas, break the talisman, right now." Sam ordered.

"If you destroy me now, Sam, I won't be able to fulfill what your brother asked." The spirit said.

"Tough luck, bitch." Sam said. "Cas, now."

Castiel crushed the talisman with his hand, breaking it into many pieces as the spirit dissolved into nothingness. Sam looked at the angel for confirmation ad he nodded back. The Job's Talisman was no more and it wouldn't be able to hurt Dean. Not anymore. But the damage it had already inflicted would stay. Sam looked around at the others in the room and noted that their father was not among them.

A sudden blood-curdling scream from upstairs made Sam rush to the bedroom in panic, fearing the worst. It was Dean who was screaming, no doubt about it. Getting in he saw that Dean was flung against the wall and John was standing in front of him, his arm extended and holding Dean in his place.

"Dad, what are you - ?" Sam began but was cut off as an invisible force threw him against the wall as well.

"He had to snap out it, Sam." John replied, tightening his grip which made Dean scream even louder. "I will not let my son become a vegetable. If pain is the only thing he responds to, I'll give it to him until he snaps out of it."

"Dad. No." Sam shouted, but it was of no use. His father was in a madman's frenzy. For the first time since getting him back, Sam realized how spirits were so fundamentally different from living things. This man before him today wasn't his caring father. His death had left no trace of that. The strict disciplinarian was all that was left of the man.

A loud bang rang out it the room as John dissipated in a cloud of smoke. Sam turned towards the door and saw Adam standing with a smoking shotgun in his trembling hands. But Sam had no time for Adam now. Dean had fallen to the ground and was now curled up by his side, still screaming. Shouting for Castiel, Sam rushed towards his brother but stopped cold as Dean flinched away from him.

"Cas, put him to sleep, please." Sam requested.

With his usual two fingered touch to his forehead, Castiel stopped Dean's screaming and for the first time in months, Sam took a good look at his brother. This wasn't the man he knew as his older brother. Dean had lost a lot of weight, so much that all his muscle mass had disappeared, Sam could easily lift him and put him back into bed without breaking a sweat. His healthy tan had faded into a dull, sickly pallor and his eyes that had always shone with life were now muted and lifeless like the rest of him. His brother had finally been broken and the bitch of it was, he could have stopped it. He could have prevented all of this from happening if he'd once listened to Dean and done what his brother had wanted.

* * *

Sam sat silently in front of the fireplace in Bobby's den, trying, but not succeeding in warming himself up. He was playing with the bracelet on his hand, the one that kept John Winchester tethered to this world, when he felt his father's presence beside him.

"You find a way to fix him?" Sam asked.

"No. I asked all my contacts in the afterlife. No one knows anything about healing the soul." John replied. "They didn't care much about it actually. They were more interested in this new spirit in Iowa."

"Huh?" Sam said, not really listening.

"Yeah, get this." John continued, unfazed by his son's lack of interest. "This guy was poisoned by his brother who them married his wife. Now he's haunting his son to make him get revenge. Remind you of any other story?"

"Jesus, Dad, what the hell is wrong with you?" Sam shouted, getting up. "Dean is suffering upstairs and you are talking about hunting Hamlet?"

"Sam, I wasn't asking you to - "

"We are not hunting any more, Dad. None of us is." Sam said. "Not until we figure out how to fix Dean."

"We'll find a way, okay? We will." John reassured. "But c'mon son. We can't stop hunting just because of this. There are people dying out there."

Sam looked disbelievingly at his father. Then his face cleared as if he finally understood something.

"You know, Dad, I was so happy to have you back." Sam said. "When we found you in that warehouse, it was like someone was giving me a second chance to have a relationship with you."

"Yeah, I know, son." John replied. "I was the one who got the second chance. Thanks to Dean."

_And you repaid him by kicking him out, _Sam thought.

"The thing was, Dad, I always wanted to tell you that I'm sorry I gave you a hard time about the way you raised us." Sam continued. "You were just doing the best you could."

John nodded slowly in acceptance of his son's apology.

"But I was wrong." Sam continued. "You didn't do the best you could. You didn't try hard enough to protect us, especially Dean and you screwed up your second chance as well."

"What are you talking about son?" John asked, confused.

"Dean. I'm talking about Dean." Sam shouted. "Why do you think he never does what's best for himself? Why does he keep sacrificing himself for us? Because you taught him from when he was nine years old that his only value was in protecting his family."

"Sam, I told that to all my sons." John replied.

"Bullshit, Dad." Sam said. "You always tried your best to protect me. You even kept the whole hunting thing a secret from me while you had Dean shooting cans when he was six. And you protected Adam from this crap his whole life."

"I thought Dean was strong enough to handle it."

"He never should have had to." Sam argued. "And ever since you came back, you've never cared about what was actually going on with Dean. You just saw him as a weapon for hunting, to be discarded when he became too blunt. Some second chance."

"Sam, what's going on?" Adam said from the doorway, having come on hearing the raised voices.

"I'm sorry Dad." Sam said, completely ignoring his brother."I'm not gonna let you hurt Dean anymore."

"Sam, what are you doing?" Adam asked with a hint of desperation in his voice.

Sam slowly took off the bracelet from his wrist and after letting it dangle for a moment, dropped it into the fireplace. He ignored the desperate shout from Adam but kept his body firmly between him and the fireplace, blocking his attempts to rescue the charm. Through it all, Sam's eyes never left his father's, even as the ethereal figure of John Winchester burst into flames and disappeared for ever.

* * *

This one was a doozy. Technically, this was the beginning of it all, but really, it was much more fun giving the exposition this way. In a way, this is where the real story will begin. The story of how they get Dean back. Up till this point I had a clear vision of the storyline, knowing exactly what was going to happen and when, but from now onwards I'll more or less make it up as I go along. Tell me how you liked it.


End file.
